I'm just done.

I'm done speaking up because no one gets it.
I'm done trying to please other people.
I'm done falling asleep and waking up with a lump in my chest.
I'm done listening to negativity and narrow-minded comments.
I'm done sitting around and waiting for something to happen.
I'm done letting people in.
I'm done leaving incomplete goal sheets lying around.
I'm done conforming to the expectations of society.
I'm done being treated like I don't exist.
I'm done explaining my reasons behind every decision I make.
I'm done letting unhappy thoughts seep back in.
I'm done being ignored.
I'm done thinking about the people who have hurt me.
I'm done faking smiles.
I'm done getting discouraged.

I'm just done.

Why am I so quiet? Because no one ever listens.

"And all the while I feel I'm standing in the middle of a crowded room screaming at the top of my lungs and no one even looks up."

One of my favorite lines from one of my favorite movies.

And I feel this way all the time...

It's the simple things

I'm not a hard person to please. I'm also not a hard person to displease. BUT that's not what this post is about. The simple things have always brought me the most joy in life. I've always appreciated simple, beautiful things that other people take for granted. Sometimes you just have to stop and smell the fresh air.


I love songs that give me goosebumps or bring me to tears.
I love baking cakes while blasting pop music in the kitchen.
I love how happy my dogs are to see me each morning.
I love snuggling up with a good book in a quiet, peaceful room.
I love the sound of rain and ocean waves.
I love laughing at my own lame jokes.
I love grocery shopping with my mom.
I love riding in the car at night.
I love giant bowls of ice cream.
I love hearing people's stories and having people listen to mine.
I love writing in my journal under the covers in the middle of the night.
I love the feeling of the wind blowing my hair back.
I love simple, sincere compliments.
I love long walks around my neighborhood.
I love "too tight" hugs.
I love pictures of landscapes.
I love sitting in bed and blogging about the simple things I love.

And I love YOU for actually reading all this.

Good books and bad guys

I plowed through this book in two days. Keltie is one of my favorite bloggers, so I was obviously beyond thrilled to start reading her book. It's a beautiful work of raw, honest nonfiction and I am NOT lying when I say I got very emotionally attached while reading it. I know that writing this book must've taken lots of blood, sweat, and tears, considering it's one of the most personal books I've ever read in my life. Keltie shares her joy, pain, struggles, and life realizations and it spans over the course of about ten years of her life. As I read it, I felt her fear, I felt her excitement, and most of all, I felt her pain. This is the part where I go off on another topic. But before I do, this is a good book. I liked it. It didn't let me down. NOW I shall get off topic.

Something I've learned about love so far is that the perfect, cheesy, poetic, wonderful, prince charming of a guy who says things like, "You're the only girl for me" or "I'll never hurt you" or "You have the face of an angel" are the ones who are going to hurt you the most. I'm not one to be stereotypical, but this is my blog and I feel the need to be VERY stereotypical about this. I'm speaking from experience here AND speaking on account of some of the things I read in this book. If guys try to pull the whole "I'm sweet, charming, perfect and want no other girl except you" card....RUN. Don't even walk, sprint, or skip. Run like hell and don't look over your shoulder. Most girls who are hopeless romantics would probably roll their eyes and look over this blog post without a care in the world. But they've had fair warning. Ok. I'm ranting. I'll get to the point. Genuine guys do not act like Disney movie guys. It's an act. Trust me. If a guy is being overly wonderful and almost TOO nice and perfect, I can ALMOST promise you he's treating some other girl (or girls) the exact same way. These are the cheaters, the liars, the users, and the heartbreakers. Again, I AM SPEAKING FROM EXPERIENCE. Go for the guy who stays up eating pizza with you until one in the morning. Go for the guy who makes you laugh without trying. Go for the guy who thinks flowers and horse drawn carriages are overrated. Go for the guy who could pass as your brother or best friend or bodyguard. Go for the guy who will threaten to beat the living crap out of anyone who hurts you. THESE are the keepers. Not the guy who is too nice, too innocent, or too wonderful. These are the guys with secrets. These are the guys who will leave you crying on the bathroom floor at 4am. These are the guys who don't deserve you and most importantly, you don't deserve THEM.

Reading this book proved my theory about overly wonderful guys to be even more correct. I love Keltie for sharing such a deep and personal pain with the whole world.

Read this book. Protect your heart. And remember your self worth.

Keltie Colleen's blog: http://highkicksandhighhopes.blogspot.com/

My love for San Francisco

I visited California for the first time ever a few months ago. I still think about it all the time. It was my first time flying in an airplane. It was my first time being three thousand miles away from home. I loved every minute of it. The cramped plane ride. My view of snow covered mountain tops as I flew farther away from home. Sleeping on a mattress on the floor of my cousin's home and using the ironing board as a table for my purse. The faint glow inside the fish tank in my temporary room. Eating a bowl of Kix for breakfast every morning. Coffee shops with cute waiters. Meeting one of the nicest girls I've ever met in my life. People playing guitar on the side of the road for spare change. Big, sparkling buildings.

And San Francisco. We spent one day in San Francisco while I was there and I fell in love. No, I seriously fell in love. With the people, with the history, with the Golden Gate Bridge, with the music, with the culture, with the food, with the ocean smell. Everything.

I go back there all the time. In my head.

And I wrote this blog post to help me remember how happy I felt while I was there. I was happier than I seemed and I wish I would've acted as happy as I really was. Because for the first time in my life...I was infinite.

Christina Perri

In addition to sharing my pain, joy, and life realizations with you all, I also want to share my interests. I'm a huge music lover and my newest favorite artist is Christina Perri. I discovered her one morning while I was watching music videos on Vh1. Her video for "Jar of Hearts" came on and I was captivated. I love music videos that portray dark, intense emotion. I remember thinking, "Who is this chick? She's incredible. I love this song and I love this video! I will probably buy her album someday." And I did! I've been listening to her debut album "Lovestrong" every single day. It calms me down and forces me to feel. She speaks to my soul. Her voice is unique and pure and her music is honest and real.

Not only do I feel inspired by her music, I also feel inspired by her life story. She's so strong. She never gave up and always looked at the positive side of things. It inspired ME to be the same way.

Just thought I'd show her some love...

Check out her website if you've never heard of her: http://www.christinaperri.com/ 

I am already painfully aware of my flaws

"I know my flaws before other people point them out to me." ~ Taylor Swift

We all have flaws. We all have fears. We all have traits we're not thrilled about. I'm not perfect, the person sitting next to me isn't perfect, and the people who feel the need to tell me everything that's wrong with me definitely are not perfect. I personally choose to focus on my strengths, not my weaknesses. Those weaknesses are in the back of my mind. Having people blatantly point out those weaknesses doesn't help me. I don't handle criticism well, which is one of the main reasons why I like to be alone all the time. Criticism hurts. It hurts, it burns, it damages, and it scars.

Needless to say, I had my flaws pointed out to me in great detail today. They were analyzed and over analyzed. Wonderful. I feel like a million bucks now. Thanks.

People are GOING to criticize you. There's no avoiding it. No matter who you are or what you do, SOMEONE is going to find something wrong with it. I think you just have to be strong-minded to ease the burn of criticism. You just have to pick yourself back up when people knock you down. Because you're enough just the way you are...and there's always room for improvement. YOU be the judge of what you want or need to change about yourself. Don't let other people do it for you.

I'm human. I'm young. And I'm still learning.

~ Madison