Keep moving

My goal is to keep this blog as positive as possible. I want to inspire and encourage people rather than put a damper on their mood. With that being said, I also want people to relate to me and know that I have bad days too. I don't want people to think that I'm a ray of sunshine all the time. I get discouraged, I get my feelings hurt, and I run into obstacles. I want to share it all with you guys.

Now on with the subject. I often compare living life to travelling down a road/taking a road trip to a desired destination. Isn't that what we're all doing? Going on a journey until we reach our desired destination? But the trip will not always go exactly as planned.

So my point is that sometimes we will come to a dead end and have to turn around and find another way. Sometimes it will get stormy and we will have to pull over and wait it out. Sometimes we will get lost and panic. Sometimes we will run low on gas and have to figure out a way to fuel ourselves back up again.

But does that mean that we should ever just stop moving and stand in the middle of the road? NO.

No matter what happens or what unexpected/unwanted curveballs are thrown your way, the important thing is that you keep moving.

"It's not about how many times you fall. It's about how many times you get back up."

~ Madison <3

Downside of being a writer

I just went through some old journal entries and lyrics I wrote from a time in my life where my self-esteem was pretty nonexistent. Why? Because I'm trying to sort of take myself back to that time in order to write a story for a major website that I'm a big fan of. I want to write something good. Something raw and real. I want to really connect with the readers and inspire them if my story gets accepted for this website. That would be a huge honor and I'm taking it very seriously.

SO ANYWAYS. Reading those old journal entries and lyrics messed me up a little bit. I was sitting there reading them and thinking, "Why am I doing this to myself right now? Why am I forcing myself to re-live the past?" I'll tell you why. For the sake of making my story good, like I said above. Sometimes, as a writer, you have to take yourself back to the times when you were in pain. The times when you were at your lowest point. For the sake of writing something that's real, honest, and vulnerable. There have been many times in my writer life where I had to rip open old stitches and reach inside the wounds to pull out something worth sharing for the sake of a writing project. It's not an easy thing to do. But it's necessary sometimes.

They say to leave the past in the past. But I had to pay the past a little visit today for the sake of this next project. But if you ask me, this verge-of-tears-with-a-heavy-heart state that I'm in right now will be worth it when I write an epic, true story about overcoming inner monsters.

Stay tuned...

My First Obstacle

I wrote this in my journal last night and decided to share...


There's a girl trapped inside of me. She's a girl who knows what she wants but isn't a hundred percent sure how to get there yet. She's a girl who has been waiting to accomplish some of the same things for the past three years, but has done everything she can on her end. She's bold, creative, ambitious, and loves to express herself. She needs change and lots of it. She needs the strength to let go of her fear. She needs money and a driver's license. She needs a vacation. She needs life breathed back into her.

Something is in this girl's way. It's like being on the other side of a brick wall, desperately trying to figure out a way to break through it. They say that the only person who can stand in your way is you. Maybe that's true and maybe it isn't. Maybe I'm standing in my own way. Maybe my mom is standing in my way. Maybe everyone expects me to grow up except her because I'm her little girl and always will be. Maybe fear is in my way. Maybe it's doubt. Maybe it's sheer confusion or a hunger for answers. Maybe it's the ten million questions that run through my head at night. Maybe it's the fact that I plan more than I practice. Maybe it's just a lack of patience.

What I do know is that I've stumbled into my first obstacle. Something is holding me back and it's not me. It can't be me. I've done everything I can to progress in life except scream the words of this journal entry at the top of my lungs. This girl inside me grows larger every day. She will eventually either break through or become cramped and lost and wither away into the depths of hopelessness again. 

Dear mom, please let me grow.
Dear fear, please go away.
Dear ocean of thoughts, please stay calm.
Dear desires, please be patient.
Dear ambitious heart, please come back.
Dear Universe, please listen.
Dear unknown obstacle, please move.

I believe in you

I'm not the type of person who steps on other people's dreams. When someone tells me their dreams, plans, or goals in life, they need not worry about me scoffing about it or discouraging them. Everyone is put on this Earth to fulfill a journey and I commend the people who follow through with that journey despite nay-sayers.

I believe in ordinary people doing extraordinary things.

I have a lot of respect for people who believe in their path and listen to their gut instead of listening to other people. I've come to realize that in the end, the only person who can stand in the way of your happiness is YOU. You can choose to listen to negativity and let that slow you down or you can block it out and go on your merry way. I'm definitely not saying it's easy to completely ignore criticism. It's not. I've been there. It takes a lot of self development to grow out of allowing yourself to be influenced by other people. Sometimes you have to just isolate yourself from everyone and work on fixing yourself. Remove yourself from people who wreak havoc on your self-esteem and surround yourself with people who believe in you and want you to succeed in whatever you do in life. That's the first step.

I'm still working on myself and I have a long way to go. But I took the initial step of saying, "enough is enough" and took myself away from negativity. That's when I started to blossom. That's when I started to dream. That's when I started to hope.

I believe in you. Go out into that big scary world and do whatever the hell you want. Life is too short to seek approval from others.

<3 Madison

A random, inspiring thought

My soul is opening
My wounds are closing
My heart is soaring
My strength is growing

I'm alone, but I'm living.

This Time Last Year

This time last year I was falling apart
This time last year everything was different
This time last year I was lost in the dark
This time last year came and went

If I could go back and talk to the girl I was back then,
I would tell her to be her own best friend
I would tell her that she would be okay
Just not today

This time last year I could've sworn it was the end of my life
This time last year no one understood my pain
This time last year I was screaming and bleeding inside
This time last year I didn't know about today

If I could go back and talk to the girl I was back then,
I would tell her to be her own best friend
I would tell her that she would be okay
Just not today
Just not today

The longer you walk down the tunnel, the closer to the light you'll get
You may feel hopeless now, but you never know what's next

If I could go back and talk to the girl I was back then,
I would tell her to be her own best friend
I would tell her that she would be okay
Just not today

If I could go back and talk to the girl I was back then,
I would tell her to be her own best friend
I would tell her that she would be okay
Just not today

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Yeah...I've been writing lyrics for almost five years.
And this is lyric poem #230

Fun fact :)

Everyone has a story

Something that has always fascinated me is the idea that everyone in this world has a story. Everyone has gone through something that changed or shaped them. Everyone has experienced pain and/or joy. Everyone learns lessons as they grow up. I always find myself looking around at all these people and thinking, she has a story, he has a story, they have a story. I love hearing people's stories. And I listen.

Just a thought.

~ Madison