I wouldn't normally write a "Happy Birthday *insert name of popular celebrity here*" post, but I want to make an exception because I have a vulnerable story I want to share with you guys.
On this exact day around this exact time last year, I was up late and sitting in my mom's dark office turning to the internet for comfort. I had been in zombie-mode for weeks. I had not smiled a real smile. I had not laughed a real laugh. And I had not cried. Even though I wanted to, I just couldn't. It felt as if I had a lump of lead in my chest instead of a heart. I was going through a phase of feeling very sad, lost, and empty for several different reasons. So I was sitting at the computer desperately searching for SOMETHING to make me feel better. I came across many different inspiring words of wisdom, but none of it was getting to me. I felt completely emotionless. But just as I was about to give up and drag myself to bed for yet another restless night, I came across the lyrics of the song "Beautiful" by Eminem. I felt the lump in my chest slowly dissolving as I read these lyrics and by the time I was done, I had burst into tears. Literally BURST into tears. And I didn't stop. I cried for well over an hour and cried myself to sleep. They weren't tears of joy or pain. They were just tears that had been building up inside of me and needed permission to come out. I cried out all of the yucky emotions and woke up feeling like a new person. That song hugged my soul. It made me feel better, even if it was only temporary. And ironically, this all happened on Eminem's birthday. I didn't plan that. It was just a cool coincidence. It's amazing how much music can heal people.
I wanted to share this with you because I just really love strong, inspiring people who use their talents to help others.
Always reach out and share your strength. You could possibly send a person to bed feeling like they actually have a reason to get up the next morning.
Monday, October 17, 2011
Saturday, October 15, 2011
Have you smiled today?
As I promised myself and you guys, I went out and sat on a street corner while holding a sign that said, "Have you smiled today?" It was a bit different from how I imagined it would be.
Expectation: I would feel awesome, content, and in tune with the rest of the world as people honked, smiled, and waved at me as they drove by. I would sit there in the beautiful weather on a soft patch of grass while "Fix You" by Coldplay played on my portable CD player. I would sit out there for half an hour and walk home feeling happy and full of love.
Reality: I felt extremely awkward and only a few people smiled and waved. No one honked at me. I barely made eye contact with anyone, even though I was wearing sunglasses. The weather was a bit hotter and stickier than expected. "Fix You" by Coldplay (One of my favorite songs on the planet, by the way) played on my portable CD player, but I barely paid attention to it because I felt awkward and uncomfortable. I got attacked by gnats and a few ants. The grass I was sitting on wasn't soft or lush. I sat out there for about ten minutes before walking home feeling a bit disappointed in myself.
What I learned from this is that things don't always turn out how you expect. You fantasize about doing certain things and when you do them and they don't turn out like you imagined they would, you become disappointed. The best moments in life are unexpected & unplanned. They just happen and they're magical. And sometimes, things turn out even BETTER than you expected.
I'm reading The Perks of Being a Wallflower right now (Yes, I'm just now reading that. How late am I?) and Charlie sort of reminds me of myself. (Only way cooler and nicer) He's thought consumed and observant and lives in his own little world all the time. I wish I could tell you how to get out of your own little world and into the real world, but I haven't figured that out yet. But like I've said before, being imaginative is never a bad thing.
What I do know is that I went out there with my sign and sat on the street corner like I said I would. I didn't leave as soon as I sat down or even when gnats started attacking my face. I stayed and let myself relax into the moment a little bit. And some people DID smile and wave. Others drove right by without a glance, but that's okay too. I guess the best way to get out of your head is to get out into the world, even if it's scary or makes you uncomfortable at first. I hope I at least made one person feel better though. That was all I really wanted to do.
Have YOU smiled today? I have.
Expectation: I would feel awesome, content, and in tune with the rest of the world as people honked, smiled, and waved at me as they drove by. I would sit there in the beautiful weather on a soft patch of grass while "Fix You" by Coldplay played on my portable CD player. I would sit out there for half an hour and walk home feeling happy and full of love.
Reality: I felt extremely awkward and only a few people smiled and waved. No one honked at me. I barely made eye contact with anyone, even though I was wearing sunglasses. The weather was a bit hotter and stickier than expected. "Fix You" by Coldplay (One of my favorite songs on the planet, by the way) played on my portable CD player, but I barely paid attention to it because I felt awkward and uncomfortable. I got attacked by gnats and a few ants. The grass I was sitting on wasn't soft or lush. I sat out there for about ten minutes before walking home feeling a bit disappointed in myself.
What I learned from this is that things don't always turn out how you expect. You fantasize about doing certain things and when you do them and they don't turn out like you imagined they would, you become disappointed. The best moments in life are unexpected & unplanned. They just happen and they're magical. And sometimes, things turn out even BETTER than you expected.
I'm reading The Perks of Being a Wallflower right now (Yes, I'm just now reading that. How late am I?) and Charlie sort of reminds me of myself. (Only way cooler and nicer) He's thought consumed and observant and lives in his own little world all the time. I wish I could tell you how to get out of your own little world and into the real world, but I haven't figured that out yet. But like I've said before, being imaginative is never a bad thing.
What I do know is that I went out there with my sign and sat on the street corner like I said I would. I didn't leave as soon as I sat down or even when gnats started attacking my face. I stayed and let myself relax into the moment a little bit. And some people DID smile and wave. Others drove right by without a glance, but that's okay too. I guess the best way to get out of your head is to get out into the world, even if it's scary or makes you uncomfortable at first. I hope I at least made one person feel better though. That was all I really wanted to do.
Have YOU smiled today? I have.
Friday, October 14, 2011
Tiny Buddha guest post
I am very honored and excited to announce that I am being featured on Tiny Buddha today! I have been such a fan of the website for a long time and writing for it was sort of a little dream of mine. So many inspiring people sharing their pain, strength, and wisdom. Such a wonderful community and I'm so happy to now be a part of it.
Check out my article here:http://tinybuddha.com/blog/realizing-your-self-worth-and-believing-in-your-path/
Huge thank you to Lori Deschene for being so wonderful to me.
Check out my article here:http://tinybuddha.com/blog/realizing-your-self-worth-and-believing-in-your-path/
Huge thank you to Lori Deschene for being so wonderful to me.
Saturday, October 8, 2011
Fear is a jerk
"Fear is such a weak emotion. That's why I despise it." ~ Lupe Fiasco
I despise fear too. I'm probably one of the biggest wimps you'll ever meet in your life and I hate it. If I could change one thing about myself, it would be my terrible habit of talking myself out of everything. I always get an idea that seems wonderful at the time, and then that little voice called "FEAR" begins spouting off reasons why I should turn and run instead. Fear tends to drive my life. I want the wheel back.
When I was younger, I used to have a "just do it" attitude towards fear. In 3rd grade, I performed two different dance routines in front of a giant arena of people. I swallowed my fear and danced my heart out. In 7th grade, I gave a speech in front of my entire student body. I swallowed my fear and gave the best damn speech they'd ever heard. In 8th grade, I played a goofy character in a play. I swallowed my fear and got an applause after my scene.
I miss that girl.
Something I noticed today is that whenever I'm with my younger brother, I'm not afraid of anything. I'm not afraid of what people think. I'm not afraid of what people do. I'm just 100% me because my brother is my best friend and I feel comfortable around him. We walked to Sonic for ice cream today and I openly danced to a song that was playing when we got there. I didn't care if people thought I looked stupid. I didn't care if people stared. I'm like a completely different person in front of my brother.
Maybe I should act like I act with my brother even when he's not around. Brave, confident, and secure.
Maybe I should stop trying to talk myself out of everything and "just do it."
Maybe I should pretend that I'm not afraid at all and that fear is just an illusion. Isn't it?
The other day, I got an idea. I wanted to buy a poster board and write "Have you smiled today?" in big letters with a sharpie and sit on my street corner holding the sign. Just for fun. Just because I like making people's day when I can. But then stupid, irrational fear started putting "what-ifs" in my mind. What if people laugh at you? What if someone kidnaps you? What if people throw rotten fruit at your face?
How about this. What if someone is driving home to kill themselves and seeing that sign changes their mind? What if someone had a horrible day and seeing that sign gave them the boost they needed? What if someone likes your sign so much that they want to be your new bestie?
Fear is stupid. I'm sick of dealing with it. I'm going to buy the poster board for my sign. And I'm going to sit on that street corner with the hope of making at least one person feel better.
I'll be sure to let you know how it goes.
I despise fear too. I'm probably one of the biggest wimps you'll ever meet in your life and I hate it. If I could change one thing about myself, it would be my terrible habit of talking myself out of everything. I always get an idea that seems wonderful at the time, and then that little voice called "FEAR" begins spouting off reasons why I should turn and run instead. Fear tends to drive my life. I want the wheel back.
When I was younger, I used to have a "just do it" attitude towards fear. In 3rd grade, I performed two different dance routines in front of a giant arena of people. I swallowed my fear and danced my heart out. In 7th grade, I gave a speech in front of my entire student body. I swallowed my fear and gave the best damn speech they'd ever heard. In 8th grade, I played a goofy character in a play. I swallowed my fear and got an applause after my scene.
I miss that girl.
Something I noticed today is that whenever I'm with my younger brother, I'm not afraid of anything. I'm not afraid of what people think. I'm not afraid of what people do. I'm just 100% me because my brother is my best friend and I feel comfortable around him. We walked to Sonic for ice cream today and I openly danced to a song that was playing when we got there. I didn't care if people thought I looked stupid. I didn't care if people stared. I'm like a completely different person in front of my brother.
Maybe I should act like I act with my brother even when he's not around. Brave, confident, and secure.
Maybe I should stop trying to talk myself out of everything and "just do it."
Maybe I should pretend that I'm not afraid at all and that fear is just an illusion. Isn't it?
The other day, I got an idea. I wanted to buy a poster board and write "Have you smiled today?" in big letters with a sharpie and sit on my street corner holding the sign. Just for fun. Just because I like making people's day when I can. But then stupid, irrational fear started putting "what-ifs" in my mind. What if people laugh at you? What if someone kidnaps you? What if people throw rotten fruit at your face?
How about this. What if someone is driving home to kill themselves and seeing that sign changes their mind? What if someone had a horrible day and seeing that sign gave them the boost they needed? What if someone likes your sign so much that they want to be your new bestie?
Fear is stupid. I'm sick of dealing with it. I'm going to buy the poster board for my sign. And I'm going to sit on that street corner with the hope of making at least one person feel better.
I'll be sure to let you know how it goes.
Friday, September 30, 2011
Ugly toes, Beautiful day
I have ugly toes. I was sitting in the bathroom trying method after method to achieve more attractive toes when I realized that I was wasting time obsessing over this minor flaw when I should have been outside enjoying a beautiful day.
Waiting outside my backdoor was a friendly breeze and blue skies. I slipped on a pair of flip-flops, toes showing and all, and walked out. My dogs rushed up to me, tails wagging and ready to play.
In that moment, I no longer felt so insecure about my toes. My dogs love me for me, not my toes. I should start learning to love me for me too.
Waiting outside my backdoor was a friendly breeze and blue skies. I slipped on a pair of flip-flops, toes showing and all, and walked out. My dogs rushed up to me, tails wagging and ready to play.
In that moment, I no longer felt so insecure about my toes. My dogs love me for me, not my toes. I should start learning to love me for me too.
Monday, September 19, 2011
I am human
Today I was reminded by one of the strongest and most inspiring women that I know that I am a human being. I was in the midst of feeling like a jerk who should just go jump in front of a moving bus when I read her latest blog post. Part of it went something like this:
I always forget that it turns around.
I always forget that it works out.
I always forget that my feelings won't kill me.
I always forget to trust in my path no matter what.
I honestly just forget everything--Maybe because I'm human. Maybe because I'm small. Maybe because I'm learning.
Brilliantly said, right?
I've felt many different emotions this past weekend. Sadness, anger, fear, guilt. But today is Monday. The start of a brand new week. And that blog post turned my morning of mixed emotions and scattered thoughts into one of inner peace and a reminder to myself that I am indeed, human. We all are.
It's okay to be angry. It's okay to cry. It's okay to be uncertain and afraid. It's okay to say the wrong thing and feel guilty about it. Perfection is imperfection.
Happy Monday. <3
p.s. CLICK IT http://christinaperriblogs.tumblr.com/
I always forget that it turns around.
I always forget that it works out.
I always forget that my feelings won't kill me.
I always forget to trust in my path no matter what.
I honestly just forget everything--Maybe because I'm human. Maybe because I'm small. Maybe because I'm learning.
Brilliantly said, right?
I've felt many different emotions this past weekend. Sadness, anger, fear, guilt. But today is Monday. The start of a brand new week. And that blog post turned my morning of mixed emotions and scattered thoughts into one of inner peace and a reminder to myself that I am indeed, human. We all are.
It's okay to be angry. It's okay to cry. It's okay to be uncertain and afraid. It's okay to say the wrong thing and feel guilty about it. Perfection is imperfection.
Happy Monday. <3
p.s. CLICK IT http://christinaperriblogs.tumblr.com/
Friday, September 16, 2011
Free falling
You know that moment right before you fall asleep? When your body is relaxed and your eyes are closed, but you're still aware?
I was lying down, trying to block out my fears for awhile. I had my TV turned on to a music channel that plays soft, relaxing music mixed with sounds of nature. As I try to drift off to sleep, I see myself falling out of a comfortable nest. I continue to fall gracefully, occasionally looking down to see if the end of my fall is near. It isn't. All I see is darkness. I look around me and everything is blurred. I'm falling quickly and it's exhilarating at first, but after awhile, all I want is to float back up to the nest where I felt safe and loved.
Today I am one step closer to growing up. That's how life works. You spend all your time wanting to be free. When you finally fall out of the comfort of your nest, the world around you blurs and it's too late to stop and take it all in. You keep falling, never knowing if you'll land safely or hit rock bottom.
I was lying down, trying to block out my fears for awhile. I had my TV turned on to a music channel that plays soft, relaxing music mixed with sounds of nature. As I try to drift off to sleep, I see myself falling out of a comfortable nest. I continue to fall gracefully, occasionally looking down to see if the end of my fall is near. It isn't. All I see is darkness. I look around me and everything is blurred. I'm falling quickly and it's exhilarating at first, but after awhile, all I want is to float back up to the nest where I felt safe and loved.
Today I am one step closer to growing up. That's how life works. You spend all your time wanting to be free. When you finally fall out of the comfort of your nest, the world around you blurs and it's too late to stop and take it all in. You keep falling, never knowing if you'll land safely or hit rock bottom.
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