Moments

I feel perpetually overwhelmed by moments and how quickly they come and go, almost as if they never happened at all. I live a relatively unextraordinary life. I wake up, I climb out of bed, I get dressed, I pour myself a glass of water, I check my email, I check the weather, I try to be productive, I try to be present, and I try to be and do enough.

But every now and then, I am lucky enough to experience moments that exceed the ordinary and mundane. For me, those moments are everything. While they're happening, I'm on top of the world and nothing can hurt me. When they end, it feels like falling off a cliff and fading into oblivion in a matter of seconds.  

I experience the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. An encouraging compliment is enough to make my day while a glance of judgment or disapproval is enough to ruin it. If my emotions aren't shooting from 0 to 100, they're in a coma. Special moments sustain me and prevent my ability to feel from failing me entirely. I thrive off these moments. I live for them. And yet they never fail to depress me even more because they always have to end.

But the worst part isn't that the moments end. It's the ghosts they leave behind. The empty seat that was once filled by someone you love. The quiet house that was once full of noise and life. The frail body that was once held by comforting arms. The rainy sky that was once filled by sunshine and blue. The dry throat that was once filled with laughter and champagne. The favorite pair of shoes or jeans that don't fit anymore. The back of a book that once had a beginning and a story yet to be discovered. The full casket that radiates nothing but emptiness. The retelling of a moment like it happened yesterday only to be met with deafening silence and tragic forgetfulness by the person you shared the moment with. The beautiful and innocent yesterdays being measured against the scary and uncertain tomorrows.

We must constantly seek out and create new moments. We must forget the people who forget us and let go of the things that don't want to be held. We must remember to take more pictures, pay more attention to each other, put our phones away more often, and say the things we want to say before it's too late.

We must find new moments and constantly look for reasons to look ahead instead of over our shoulders. Because as much as I love it back there, I will never see where I'm going if I don't turn around.    

<3 Madison