Why you should never burn bridges and build walls

This topic has been heavy on my heart lately, and I can only hope that I say something that reaches you before it's potentially too late.

Don't burn your bridges.

Don't cut people off, push people away, or believe that you don't need old friends, lovers, family members or employers anymore. I'm so notorious for this. I see it as an exercise in leaving the past in the past and moving forward in the only way I know how. And in the moment, I believe I'm doing what's best for me. But I've missed so many opportunities and connections. I've abandoned so many homes I fear I'll never be able to return to.

A few examples:

1. I had a terrible falling out with a very good friend soon after high school. We wreaked havoc upon each other and became living, breathing definitions of bridge burners. That was 6 years ago. I have no hard feelings whatsoever, but we're strangers now. Her current life couldn't be more different from the life she had when we were in high school. She's married. She has a good career and a nice apartment. She's pregnant. Things will never, ever be the same between us, even if we do reconnect.

2. I pretty much poisoned some of my closest friends against the first person who broke my heart. I told them everything, including things that were probably none of their business. I wanted to make sure they knew how much pain I was in. I wanted to make sure they didn't let me go back to him. I wanted to make sure I didn't go back to him. I concluded that he would never be a part of the lives of the people around me anyway, so why the hell not? Well, since healing tremendously and rekindling the wonderful friendship we had prior to our brief romance, that person has become one of my best friends in the entire world - someone I love and respect deeply. Although we may never be romantically involved again, I actually love the idea of him someday being acquainted with some of my friends or feeling like a small part of my family. Too bad everyone thinks he's a jerk.

3. After losing the first freelance job that paid pretty well and really put my ass to work every day of the week, the client I worked for tried to help me find another job within the company. I turned down every offer (with good reason), but still expected her to stay in touch until something clicked. She didn't. I tried reaching out to her during a horribly dry spell of unemployment a couple of years ago, and I didn't hear back. She could've helped keep the ball rolling for me if I had simply stayed in touch and given her something to work with. And she's not the only client I've lost touch with over the years either.

The lesson: You never know what will become of a person's role in your life and heart. You might be angry at someone now, but find yourself wanting to call them in the midst of a difficult or stressful situation later. You may think you'll never work with someone again and later realize that they may be your ticket to a major work opportunity. You may think a friendship or relationship is over and then discover that maybe it never really was.

Whatever the case, you can't see the future. You NEVER know how involved certain people will be in your life later on down the road. So keep them within reach. There are clear and obvious exceptions to this rule, as is the case with every rule, but more often than not, your feelings towards people are fleeting. Anger passes. Pain heals. Indifference evolves.

Build bridges. Don't burn them.

<3 Madison