Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Why I worry about myself

I think a lot of people wonder why I worry about myself and my future so much. People are always telling me that I'll turn out just fine.

But how do they know that?

I appreciate all of the reassurance and words of comfort, but by the time you finish reading this post, I think you'll understand why I worry so much.

As most of you may know, I've been keeping a mood journal to track my moods throughout the day. Yesterday morning, my mood was "irritable" and for the reason behind that mood, I wrote this: "It has been one of those mornings where it seems as if the entire universe is conspiring against you."

I'm sure you can all relate to those types of mornings---when truly bad or inconvenient things actually happen.

Looking back, I can barely remember what I was so worked up about, aside from a couple of extremely minor nuisances. The only thing that was really bothering me at that moment was the fact that I had to pour half a gallon of milk down the drain because it had expired.

So...If I conclude that the universe is conspiring against me when my milk expires, I can only imagine how I would react to something big happening---something much more tragic than expired milk.

I've never been good at managing stress. In fact, I try to avoid it as much as I possibly can because I KNOW how intensely it can affect me.

I'll never forget the time I nearly had a nervous breakdown because I had two days to complete a multi-page study guide for my algebra class in ninth grade. I didn't know where to start, and there were several problems I didn't know how to solve. I was on the verge of being physically ill, lying in a fetal position on the couch while my mom looked at me like I was nuts.

So my point is this: How can I NOT worry about my well-being when I almost immediately curl up into a ball of shame in the face of adversity? When I'm independent and have to deal with my problems on my own, how am I going to stay sane in all of the inevitable high-stress situations that accompany adulthood? How do I know I won't have a mental and/or emotional breakdown before the age of 30?

I don't know the answers to any of those questions.

THAT is why I worry so much about myself and my future.

Wouldn't you?


  1. About the expired milk and wondering how you'd handle a truly bad situation. You'd be surprised how quickly we get our shit together to take care of a huge situation! You are a very strong person. I just discovered your blog and enjoy it a lot. I am on my conscious journey as well. Happy trails, girl :-)

    1. Haha, thank you. That's true! When something truly big happens, people have a tendency to just react and deal with it instead of sitting around and stressing over it.

      I do frequently crack under pressure, but I always get the job done in the end. :-)

      Thanks for reading!

      <3 Madison