Friday, September 30, 2011

Ugly toes, Beautiful day

I have ugly toes. I was sitting in the bathroom trying method after method to achieve more attractive toes when I realized that I was wasting time obsessing over this minor flaw when I should have been outside enjoying a beautiful day.

Waiting outside my backdoor was a friendly breeze and blue skies. I slipped on a pair of flip-flops, toes showing and all, and walked out. My dogs rushed up to me, tails wagging and ready to play.

In that moment, I no longer felt so insecure about my toes. My dogs love me for me, not my toes. I should start learning to love me for me too.

Monday, September 19, 2011

I am human

Today I was reminded by one of the strongest and most inspiring women that I know that I am a human being. I was in the midst of feeling like a jerk who should just go jump in front of a moving bus when I read her latest blog post. Part of it went something like this:

I always forget that it turns around.
I always forget that it works out.
I always forget that my feelings won't kill me. 
I always forget to trust in my path no matter what. 

I honestly just forget everything--Maybe because I'm human. Maybe because I'm small. Maybe because I'm learning. 

Brilliantly said, right?

I've felt many different emotions this past weekend. Sadness, anger, fear, guilt. But today is Monday. The start of a brand new week. And that blog post turned my morning of mixed emotions and scattered thoughts into one of inner peace and a reminder to myself that I am indeed, human. We all are.

It's okay to be angry. It's okay to cry. It's okay to be uncertain and afraid. It's okay to say the wrong thing and feel guilty about it. Perfection is imperfection.

Happy Monday. <3

p.s. CLICK IT 

Friday, September 16, 2011

Free falling

You know that moment right before you fall asleep? When your body is relaxed and your eyes are closed, but you're still aware?

I was lying down, trying to block out my fears for awhile. I had my TV turned on to a music channel that plays soft, relaxing music mixed with sounds of nature. As I try to drift off to sleep, I see myself falling out of a comfortable nest. I continue to fall gracefully, occasionally looking down to see if the end of my fall is near. It isn't. All I see is darkness. I look around me and everything is blurred. I'm falling quickly and it's exhilarating at first, but after awhile, all I want is to float back up to the nest where I felt safe and loved.

Today I am one step closer to growing up. That's how life works. You spend all your time wanting to be free. When you finally fall out of the comfort of your nest, the world around you blurs and it's too late to stop and take it all in. You keep falling, never knowing if you'll land safely or hit rock bottom.

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Unbearable Lightness

I just finished reading Unbearable Lightness by Portia de Rossi and it was THE most raw, honest, and brutally exposed book I've ever read. I don't think I've ever cried while reading a book before. I've cried during movies, songs, American Idol eliminations...But never books. Not that I can remember anyway. But there were parts in this book that literally made me emotional because it was so heartbreaking.

Although I've never suffered from an eating disorder or been scrutinized under the public eye, I could sort of relate to this book. I think any person who has ever dealt with low self-esteem, loneliness, an overwhelming desire to be accepted, a fear of being judged, or just a daily battle with the voice in your head that tells you you're not good enough can relate to this book. There were many moments where I would read a line and think, "Wow. I totally get that. I know how that feels."

I won't go into any details about my own mental and personal struggles, but I do want to say that Portia is EXTREMELY brave to be able to have written such an honest and exposed novel and put it out for everyone to read. I KNOW it had to have taken blood, sweat, and tears to write this, and especially to publish it. It deserves to be a bestseller.

This book is brilliantly written and it will teach you a lot about yourself, your body, love, and self-acceptance. I'm glad I read it.