Friday, September 4, 2015

Should feelings have an expiration date?

Raise your hand if you've ever been in one (or all) of the following scenarios:

~ Crying over something/someone you lost several months or years ago

~ Getting angry over something you thought you had adequately resolved last week

~ Feeling like a radically changed and empowered person one day and a weak, hot mess the next

*awkwardly raises hand on all counts*

It has been said that grief does not have an expiration date, which is totally true. But what about our other feelings? Should they have an expiration date?

Are we allowed to get angry over something that once felt resolved and justified? Are we allowed to be embarrassed about something that happened days or even years ago? Are we allowed to suddenly be afraid of something we thought we weren't afraid of anymore? Are we allowed to get our feelings hurt all over again by the mere memory of something that hurt our feelings in the past?

I'd like to say yes. I think we are allowed. But that still doesn't stop me from occasionally feeling like my ever-fluctuating emotions aren't justified. Sometimes I drag people through the mud with me without meaning to. Sometimes I behave in an overly dramatic manner. Sometimes I analyze the absolute SHIT out of something that may be better off left alone. And sometimes I simply feel like I don't have the right to have intense feelings about something that is over and done with.

I don't have the answers to this emotional phenomena, which is why the title of this post is a question rather than a statement or an idea. I rarely know how to deal with my own feelings. I'm rarely able to tell the difference between what's worth bringing up and what's worth letting go. Sometimes I wish my feelings and thoughts had an off switch, but if that were the case, blog posts such as this one would not exist.

So with that said, I'm handing the torch off to you guys today. Should certain feelings have an expiration date? How much past analyzing is allowed without getting a slap on the wrist from the personal growth industry? How can you tell the difference between what should be fixed and what should be left alone?

I need a friend.

<3 Madison    


  1. Hey Madison,

    I came across your blog at a weird time. Yesterday night I had a spooky dream, where I realised I was guilty of murdering my ex some 6-7 years ago. And I was trying to hide all the proofs which could lead people to me. And i burnt his body which I had been hiding for years.
    We had a really bad breakup years ago. And it was full of blames! I still carry that guilt deep within me. I realised this yesterday when I dreamt all this out of nowhere. Burying those feelings for 6-7 years didn't help. You can't imagine my relief when I tried to burn his dead body in the dream :) He complained a lot after our breakup. I guess he was justified when he did. And since I wasn't able to fix things for him, I just blamed and blamed myself for his loss.
    I still don't understand what kind of relationship it was.I didn't love him but dated out of desparation. Because I needed a friend so badly. That's all I ever wanted. I had no clue what he was thinking about me. It just felt good to be free from the anxiety of being alone. So I was pretending to be with him. Now how to fix this guilt? It's difficult but I guess I'll have to take the responsibilty for the screwed-up-ness of my life and not let it affect other people. Because this guilt is too hard to bear. Something should always be done about our little problems, otherwise they turn into a big mess. If I would realise this then, then I would have taken better care of myself and I wouldn't have felt so desperate for a friend. So this person blamed me correctly. No one is responsible for my shortcomings. I can't go around murdering people in my dreams! Lesson needs to be learnt well.

    About your post, I think we should take care of ourselves, of each feeling and every moment. Nothing needs to be ignored. We are important and so is our each breath and why shouldn't it be. I know it feels overwhelming at times, but its our mess. It's who we are. Whether we admit it or not, we always know how f***d up we are inside. We will be haunted by it - in dreams and in reality!

    Hope you can be a good friend to yourself.

    Why don't you write about how you can take care of yourself, and shower yourself with attention. We all need some good ideas.

  2. Oops! Sorry I kept blabbering....Just checked your other posts! Phew...Nice!

    1. Dreams are so interesting and amazing to me. What you wrote reminds me of a post I wrote last year called "Nightmares." (

      I'm sorry to hear about everything you went through with your breakup and what not. Don't blame yourself! Every experience can be learned from, and it's important to know that mistakes and pain are inevitable. But you sound like you've made progress with examining the feelings you've buried.

      Thank you for your lovely response to the questions I posed in this post.

  3. I came across your posts on a particularly down day. I wish there was a expiration date to that feeling. My life's a friggin ground day, have no real friends and feel lonely. I read all the self help stuff but just continue feeling worthless

    1. I'm sorry to hear that, Jack. Self-help can only go so far. In fact, most of my breakthroughs in life happened through learning my own lessons and having my own realizations. So keep moving forward!