5 years

Four days ago, my blog turned 5 years old. (Here's my very first post. What a THROWBACK.)

I never imagined how much of an impact such a seemingly simple decision would have on my life. I started this blog tentatively and with a bit of fear that I would get bored or impatient with it before I had a chance to build up a readership. But I never gave up on it. At one point, it was one of the only things I really loved and felt connected to. It became a sort of passion project for me and has led to so many incredible opportunities.

Radical healing. Work and networking opportunities. A loyal and loving community of personal growth enthusiasts. A romantic relationship with a reader (that didn't end super well, but still). Lasting, invaluable friendships with wonderful people. A book idea.

When I think about it all, my heart feels so full. I'm reminded that trusting yourself, no matter what anyone thinks, is one of the absolute best things you can do. What started as journaling turned into a passion of being vulnerable and sharing my voice with the masses. And I've experienced nothing but goodness ever since.

Everyone has a path, and this is mine. I can honestly never thank you enough for loving what I have to say, hurting alongside me, encouraging me when I'm weak, and sticking around all these years. I couldn't have done any of this without you.

<3 Madison

Do you like books?

Would it be crazy if I wrote one? Just for you?

Do with that notion what you will. Because I really love you for listening to me for the last 5 years.

<3 Madison

Friendly reminder: You're human, not damaged

I'll come right out with it: Yesterday was a bit shitty through no fault of anyone in particular. It was just one of those blah days where I cried in the bathroom for an hour and then stayed up until 1am watching Hulu before dragging my sorry self to bed. I woke up this morning with leftover remnants of shittiness in my bloodstream and actually began to punish myself for that, thus making matters even worse.

I meant every word of my last post and have been riding that wave of peace for the last couple of weeks. But last night, I felt like I was losing it. I felt like it was coming to an end, and I would revert back to the dark place I was in, unable to claw my way out. This assumption was false.

I just had a bad night and a bad morning. And I will have more. 

For as long as we live, we will have bad days. We will struggle - mostly with things we thought we were done struggling with. You're not broken or damaged if you experience a setback or forget how to recapture a moment or feeling that temporarily showed you a greater version of yourself. That version of you is still in there, but sometimes it needs a break. Being happy all the time is exhausting, because happiness takes work. Real, honest, conscious work. And sometimes we just need to allow ourselves to be okay with sadness, suckiness, anxiety, failure, and all the other unpleasant experiences of being alive

I will be okay, and you will be okay. We're all human, and all humans suffer.

Real peace comes from recognizing and embracing your current state of mind, no matter what it is. So if today sucks a little, so be it. Maybe, just maybe tomorrow will be good again.

<3 Madison