I know it's pretty normal and expected for me to fall apart whenever you pay me a visit these days. You fill my chest, steal the smile from my face, create realities that aren't there, and eventually send me to bed with a weight on my shoulders and a sharpness in my heart. I crumbled beneath you every single time you even threatened to appear.
For months, you were the only thing I knew. I would've given anything to make you go away and finally let me reconnect with the person I was before you permeated my being.
I resisted you. I fought against you. I told myself you couldn't hurt me, even though you did just that.
But the other night, I felt something different when you stopped by.
Peace. Acceptance. A harmonious sense of familiarity.
And as I soaked up this new feeling, your severity began to subside. I almost immediately went from fearing I would crumble again to standing up even straighter and embracing you in a way I never had before. I saw you for what you were - a reminder of my strength and resilience. A wound I lived through and healed from, even though I didn't believe I would at times. A piece of my story, which is important. A piece of my past, which is not. A beacon of hope and light for my future, which is already looking better than I ever imagined.
So here's what I'd like to say to you now:
I see you. I welcome you. I accept you wholeheartedly. And I thank you for teaching me to find the light in all the places I failed to look while I was too busy telling myself you shouldn't exist.