Tuesday, September 25, 2012

One thing I'll never understand

I stayed up for awhile last night thinking about something that made me feel very sad, angry, helpless and guilty. It's something I'm sure a lot of other people have thought about before. But it has really been eating at my soul.

The world is really unfair.

I'm not talking about people cutting in front of you at Burger King, taking credit for your work or parking in your favorite spot.

I'm talking about people hurting, grieving, struggling to get out of bed every morning, and almost hating every happy or joyous person they come into contact with.

I don't understand why some parents get to watch their kids walk, talk, graduate and fall in love while others never even get to hear their kid say their first word or see them waddle across the room without falling down.

I don't understand why somebody somewhere is watching someone they love come home safe and sound while somebody somewhere else is finding out that someone they love will never walk through the front door ever again.

I don't understand why some people are healthy and others are fighting a terminal illness.

I don't understand why some people are spared from violence and abuse while others have to live with it every single day.

It makes me feel like an asshole for being happy, healthy and knowing that the people I love are safe and within arm's reach. I am so infinitely grateful for all of these things. Obviously. But it still makes me feel like an asshole because somebody somewhere---maybe even in my own neighborhood---is unhappy, or unhealthy, or suffering a terrible loss. It's just not fair.

And it kills me because I know I can't fix it. I've always felt an obligation to comfort people and make things better. I hate seeing people unhappy. My favorite thing about writing this blog is that I am inspiring people and making people feel better and more hopeful. When I get emails and comments from people who have been moved or changed by something I wrote, it's the most rewarding feeling in the world.

But there is so much suffering that I'll never be able to fix. Nothing I say or do will ever feel like enough. I can't bring someone's kid back. I can't rid someone of awful memories. I can't turn back the clock for someone.

Life is chaotic. Terrible things happen to good people---every day, normal people just like me and you.

I've always believed that everything happens for a reason. But I'll never understand why some people suffer so badly while others don't. It will never make sense, and it will never be justified.

Please don't ever take the love and happiness in your life for granted. Please.



  1. Ahhh, I see the same thing all the time from time to time. I have to stop keeping up with current events to prevent it cause I read too many news articles and it gets me pissed off seeing all the things people go through...

    1. Yes! I never watch the news. If I were to let myself think too much about everything that goes on, I think I'd lose my mind.

  2. Hey, Madison, have you ever heard of Kathleen Dean Moore? She's a naturalist and a philosopher. She talks about her own theory of happiness and suffering in her book titled something about River-Walking. I've spent some time contemplating it and I recommend you read it.

    It is a practice to balance our compassion and need to heal the world without walking over to guilt because we can't do it alone. You're not alone. We change the world one word and one smile at a time. It ripples.

    Cheers, Jules

    1. Thanks, Jules. I'll add that book to my ever growing mental list. :-)

      <3 Madison