Tuesday, July 23, 2013

Never enough

Sometimes I feel like I'm not living up to my full potential. And the really sucky, embarrassing truth is that I know I am not. I am so not.

I could be working harder. I could be a better person. I could get out more and make my existence mean something in the real world and not just on the Internet. 

It's exhausting to always feel like you never quite measure up. I have a friend who works her ass off and has done and been so many things, and even she feels like she doesn't measure up. She's always reaching for the next rung on the ladder---always pushing to make herself feel like a worthy, important, contributing member of society. And yet, she hates herself a little every single day.  

Does anyone ever feel like they measure up? It's like no matter what we do and no matter how hard we try, somebody somewhere is going to make us feel like it's not enough. We're going to make ourselves feel like it's not enough. 

Everyone thinks this way. Ask anyone, and I highly doubt you will find someone who says something like, "Oh, I definitely feel like I measure up. I know I'm good enough, and I'm living to my absolute fullest potential." If you find someone like this, please email me their contact information so I can learn their secret. 

I just really feel like a complete, total failure at life some days, and the thing I hate the most is that I rarely feel like doing anything about it. Getting dejected doesn't motivate me at all. It just makes me want to stare into space for half an hour as my mind assaults my soul and makes me feel like the most insignificant human being on the face of the Earth. 

Then I start wondering why I should work on my dreams every day if it never quite seems like I'm doing enough. I start wondering if I'm truly on the right path or if I should pave a new one. I start wondering what the people in my life see in me and what all of you see in me when I can't even find too many good things to see in myself.

It's a messy mentality to get stuck in. 

So how can we truly know if what we're doing in our lives is enough? Is our self-worth measured by what we do or who we are? How can we motivate ourselves to do more and be more when we feel too dejected to do anything at all? 

Please tell me I'm not alone in this.

<3 Madison   


  1. Of course you are not alone in this! You're right, that self-judgement via comparison to others, or to some standard we pick for ourselves, is normal. What I've been trying to practice and truly learn is that there is no need to "measure up" at all. Each of us is amazing as we are, if only we can accept that as fact. Once that fact is fully accepted, then change in ways we may now judge as "good" will likely happen naturally and with little effort. The thing to practice is avoiding judgement of yourself or anyone else (including not judging yourself for thoughtlessly judging someone!).

    Old habits are hard to break. But, it seems that you are young. You can do it.