~ While I don't think it's a good idea to be too busy to have time for yourself and others, I am starting to understand the value of hard work and busyness and why it is so appealing to so many people. Being busy keeps you out of your head, gives you something to feel good and productive about, and makes you appreciate your downtime more. Therefore, I am making a conscious effort to stay a little busier.
~ I read the following quote in a blog post the other day and it really jumped out at me: "Have you ever noticed how after a long walk, a good visit with a friend, or a great yoga class, you feel really pretty? And when things are super stressful and terrible, our clothes don't fit and we hate our hair?" What happens in our external environment can greatly affect how we feel and what we believe about ourselves. Do you really think you're a worthless loser, or did you just have a bad day? Do you really believe nobody loves you, or are you just upset about the stranger who gave you a dirty look at Starbucks? Challenge your negative beliefs the next time they pop up. Chances are, you're just feeling really stressed or having a bad day. Negative thoughts and emotions are fleeting. Don't give them so much power.
~ Some things just aren't fair. You have every right to piss and moan about it, but it still won't change the fact that some things just aren't fair. But if you need someone to complain to, I'm here.
~ You can't change certain people, but you can change the way you react to them and the role you allow them to play in your life.
~ If something seems too good to be true, it might be. I'm not going to say that's always the case because it certainly isn't. Sometimes things are really wonderful and there's no catch at all. But if something seems really, really, really too good to be true, be careful and don't get too excited.
~ Listen to "I Believe" by Christina Perri the next time you feel like giving up on something important. It is quite possibly the most inspiring and lyrically powerful song I've ever heard in my life. We all need something to turn to when times are tough.
~ The best remedy for uncertainty is staying present. Don't focus on what may or may not happen 5 minutes, 5 hours, 5 days, 5 weeks, 5 months, or 5 years from now. Focus on what is happening right now and how you choose to respond to it.
<3 Madison
Wednesday, March 12, 2014
Monday, February 24, 2014
My manifesto
"Manifesto" is a pretty word. It sounds so empowering and official. Given that I generally have a lot on my mind at one time and don't always feel like narrowing those things down to one specific thing, a manifesto seems like an appropriate thing for me to write. It will be like my "miscellaneous thoughts" posts, only bigger and better.
But first, an introduction to what inspired it:
Being in my early twenties is one of the easiest and hardest things in the world. I can be young and take it easy, but there's still a lot of pressure to grow up and learn how to stand on my own two feet. It's an adjustment period. It's a growth period. It's a time of learning about myself. It's a time of navigating the battlefield of head vs. heart. It's a time of helping people through my experiences and letting other people help me through theirs. I'm both a kid and an adult through the eyes of others. I've experienced soul singing bliss and debilitating self-doubt.
I have a feeling 2014 is going to be one of the best and most challenging years of my life. I am turning 22. I am traveling more. I am finally reaching for a few of my wildest dreams. I am trying to be a better friend. I am trying to choose love and trust over fear and uncertainty. I am asking myself some tough questions about life, love, money and work. I am trying to remind myself for the umpteenth time that change is the only constant in life and that I will never learn and grow without it. I am rediscovering the meaning of balance. I've started caring less and less what people think of me, which used to seem like an unfathomable feat. I've been doing a better job at keeping my intentions clear and eliminating the word "should" from my vocabulary. My heart has softened, and my skin has toughened.
So without further ado, here is my 2014/early twenties/Journey of a Soul Searcher manifesto:
I propose to stay true to my passions in life, even if it means being behind my friends, having anxiety attacks when I look at my income, or sacrificing what I want for what I can tolerate.
I propose to be patient and let my journey unfold naturally.
I propose to always consider myself as equal to everyone else.
I propose to work on keeping my priorities straight.
I propose to dedicate more time and energy to building my career each day.
I propose to connect with bloggers, readers and clients more often and not just when I have a request for them.
I propose to follow and work for my dreams instead of just writing them down and waiting for them to come knocking at my door.
I propose to get serious about personal finance and nurture my relationship with money.
I propose to keep this blog authentic and write it for the same reasons I've always written it.
I propose to try new things.
I propose to keep my heart and head open.
I propose to do the things I want or need to do without always feeling the need to justify my reasons for wanting or needing to do them.
I propose to choose happiness over popularity.
I propose to stop placing age limits and timelines on my goals and accomplishments.
I propose to understand and help other people understand that there is no end point in life until we die. There is no destination. We are never finished becoming who we are.
<3 Madison
But first, an introduction to what inspired it:
Being in my early twenties is one of the easiest and hardest things in the world. I can be young and take it easy, but there's still a lot of pressure to grow up and learn how to stand on my own two feet. It's an adjustment period. It's a growth period. It's a time of learning about myself. It's a time of navigating the battlefield of head vs. heart. It's a time of helping people through my experiences and letting other people help me through theirs. I'm both a kid and an adult through the eyes of others. I've experienced soul singing bliss and debilitating self-doubt.
I have a feeling 2014 is going to be one of the best and most challenging years of my life. I am turning 22. I am traveling more. I am finally reaching for a few of my wildest dreams. I am trying to be a better friend. I am trying to choose love and trust over fear and uncertainty. I am asking myself some tough questions about life, love, money and work. I am trying to remind myself for the umpteenth time that change is the only constant in life and that I will never learn and grow without it. I am rediscovering the meaning of balance. I've started caring less and less what people think of me, which used to seem like an unfathomable feat. I've been doing a better job at keeping my intentions clear and eliminating the word "should" from my vocabulary. My heart has softened, and my skin has toughened.
So without further ado, here is my 2014/early twenties/Journey of a Soul Searcher manifesto:
I propose to stay true to my passions in life, even if it means being behind my friends, having anxiety attacks when I look at my income, or sacrificing what I want for what I can tolerate.
I propose to be patient and let my journey unfold naturally.
I propose to always consider myself as equal to everyone else.
I propose to work on keeping my priorities straight.
I propose to dedicate more time and energy to building my career each day.
I propose to connect with bloggers, readers and clients more often and not just when I have a request for them.
I propose to follow and work for my dreams instead of just writing them down and waiting for them to come knocking at my door.
I propose to get serious about personal finance and nurture my relationship with money.
I propose to keep this blog authentic and write it for the same reasons I've always written it.
I propose to try new things.
I propose to keep my heart and head open.
I propose to do the things I want or need to do without always feeling the need to justify my reasons for wanting or needing to do them.
I propose to choose happiness over popularity.
I propose to stop placing age limits and timelines on my goals and accomplishments.
I propose to understand and help other people understand that there is no end point in life until we die. There is no destination. We are never finished becoming who we are.
<3 Madison
Wednesday, February 12, 2014
7 ways to motivate yourself when you're running on empty
To be honest, I sort of pulled this post idea out of thin air because I started to feel guilty about the fact that we're nearly halfway through February and I haven't blogged since January.
I generally hear from a lot of people who are seeking motivation and encouragement to follow their dreams or simply get through their week without wallowing in self-hatred or ruining their relationships with others. I understand that need for motivation and encouragement because I frequently seek it myself.
Although I'm certainly no expert on motivational techniques, the following ideas usually work for me when I feel like sitting around and doing nothing all day:
1. Make a conscious decision to show up for yourself.
You don't have to be super perfect or super successful at whatever you're doing, whether it's writing an article or planning a trip. All you have to do is be willing to show up, regardless of the results you cultivate. If you don't show up for yourself, nothing will happen. If you do, you'll get somewhere. It might not be exactly where you want to be, but it's better than nothing.
2. Read this. (Shameless plug)
I wrote this post a year ago. Today's topic reminded me of it.
3. Take a break.
Don't overwhelm yourself. If your brain is fried or you feel like slamming your face against a brick wall, it's time to take a break. It's okay to step away from whatever you're doing long enough to eat, bathe, take a walk, or watch a few episodes of your favorite show. Chances are, you will feel more refreshed when you return.
4. Turn off all distractions.
Turn off your phone. Turn off the TV. Turn off your music. Stop reading the pointless celebrity gossip stories that are trending on Yahoo. Stop checking your Twitter and Facebook every five minutes. If you're trying to get something done, distractions will make it nearly impossible.
5. Start small.
If you're feeling overwhelmed by a task or conflict, remember to start small. You're not Superman (or Wonder Woman). Take baby steps, and don't expect yourself to accomplish everything in one fell swoop.
6. Check in with yourself.
If you have zero motivation to do something, it's a good idea to ask yourself why you're even doing it. There are some things you simply don't have to do. The next time you're stressing out over a lack of motivation to do something, ask yourself, "Is this something that absolutely has to be done?" If the answer is no, don't do it. What a relief!
7. Be okay with not being okay.
You will have days where you just hate everything and feel uncomfortably discouraged. There's no magic formula or cure for these days. We all have them sometimes. If you beat yourself up for having a bad day, you will only feel worse. Sometimes all you need is a little self-compassion and a reminder that tomorrow might be better.
<3 Madison
I generally hear from a lot of people who are seeking motivation and encouragement to follow their dreams or simply get through their week without wallowing in self-hatred or ruining their relationships with others. I understand that need for motivation and encouragement because I frequently seek it myself.
Although I'm certainly no expert on motivational techniques, the following ideas usually work for me when I feel like sitting around and doing nothing all day:
1. Make a conscious decision to show up for yourself.
You don't have to be super perfect or super successful at whatever you're doing, whether it's writing an article or planning a trip. All you have to do is be willing to show up, regardless of the results you cultivate. If you don't show up for yourself, nothing will happen. If you do, you'll get somewhere. It might not be exactly where you want to be, but it's better than nothing.
2. Read this. (Shameless plug)
I wrote this post a year ago. Today's topic reminded me of it.
3. Take a break.
Don't overwhelm yourself. If your brain is fried or you feel like slamming your face against a brick wall, it's time to take a break. It's okay to step away from whatever you're doing long enough to eat, bathe, take a walk, or watch a few episodes of your favorite show. Chances are, you will feel more refreshed when you return.
4. Turn off all distractions.
Turn off your phone. Turn off the TV. Turn off your music. Stop reading the pointless celebrity gossip stories that are trending on Yahoo. Stop checking your Twitter and Facebook every five minutes. If you're trying to get something done, distractions will make it nearly impossible.
5. Start small.
If you're feeling overwhelmed by a task or conflict, remember to start small. You're not Superman (or Wonder Woman). Take baby steps, and don't expect yourself to accomplish everything in one fell swoop.
6. Check in with yourself.
If you have zero motivation to do something, it's a good idea to ask yourself why you're even doing it. There are some things you simply don't have to do. The next time you're stressing out over a lack of motivation to do something, ask yourself, "Is this something that absolutely has to be done?" If the answer is no, don't do it. What a relief!
7. Be okay with not being okay.
You will have days where you just hate everything and feel uncomfortably discouraged. There's no magic formula or cure for these days. We all have them sometimes. If you beat yourself up for having a bad day, you will only feel worse. Sometimes all you need is a little self-compassion and a reminder that tomorrow might be better.
<3 Madison
Thursday, January 30, 2014
Choosing what resonates with you
As an avid Internet user/blog reader/people pleaser, I get fed a lot of information and a lot of opinions on a daily basis. I try to look for the truth is almost everything I hear, which is a terrible habit now that I think about it. Sometimes I'll hear something that makes me feel really uncomfortable or insecure. My head will say, "Well that has to be true. A professional/a more prominent member of the blogosphere/your mother/a famous person said it." And then my gut will say, "No no no, I disagree, I disagree. This doesn't feel right!" And yet I still adopt other people's beliefs as my own until I don't know what I believe anymore.
We all have views, opinions and beliefs about things. It doesn't necessarily mean that anyone is right or wrong. I've been trying to make more of an effort to really decide what resonates with me versus what doesn't. If I don't stay true to my own views, I tend to lose myself. I become a mindless follower of everyone else. I lie to myself. I get terribly confused and terribly frustrated.
So from this day forward, I propose that each of you choose the views, opinions and beliefs that resonate with you. It's okay if your best friend, partner, grandmother, or goldfish disagrees with you. They have their way of life, and you have yours.
Some people may believe that you have to do something big in order to matter. Others may believe that simply being alive and happy is enough, regardless of what you do or don't do.
Some people may believe in saying yes more often. Others may believe in saying no more often.
Some people may believe in playing the field and dating lots of different people. Others may believe in playing for keeps or not playing at all.
Some people may believe in living off of green juice and kale chips. Others may believe in giving yourself permission to indulge in cupcakes and tater tots.
Some people may believe that feeling beautiful means wearing hair extensions and fake eyelashes. Others may believe that feeling beautiful means throwing their hair back in a bun and being okay with their aversion to make-up.
Some people may believe in constantly fixing themselves. Others may believe in accepting themselves just as they are at any given moment.
Some people may believe in following a traditional path in life. Others may believe in marching to the beat of a different drum.
Whatever your beliefs, views or opinions, own them. You don't have to stray from your path just because a seemingly cooler/more experienced person says you should.
Cheers to being yourself...unapologetically.
<3 Madison
We all have views, opinions and beliefs about things. It doesn't necessarily mean that anyone is right or wrong. I've been trying to make more of an effort to really decide what resonates with me versus what doesn't. If I don't stay true to my own views, I tend to lose myself. I become a mindless follower of everyone else. I lie to myself. I get terribly confused and terribly frustrated.
So from this day forward, I propose that each of you choose the views, opinions and beliefs that resonate with you. It's okay if your best friend, partner, grandmother, or goldfish disagrees with you. They have their way of life, and you have yours.
Some people may believe that you have to do something big in order to matter. Others may believe that simply being alive and happy is enough, regardless of what you do or don't do.
Some people may believe in saying yes more often. Others may believe in saying no more often.
Some people may believe in playing the field and dating lots of different people. Others may believe in playing for keeps or not playing at all.
Some people may believe in living off of green juice and kale chips. Others may believe in giving yourself permission to indulge in cupcakes and tater tots.
Some people may believe that feeling beautiful means wearing hair extensions and fake eyelashes. Others may believe that feeling beautiful means throwing their hair back in a bun and being okay with their aversion to make-up.
Some people may believe in constantly fixing themselves. Others may believe in accepting themselves just as they are at any given moment.
Some people may believe in following a traditional path in life. Others may believe in marching to the beat of a different drum.
Whatever your beliefs, views or opinions, own them. You don't have to stray from your path just because a seemingly cooler/more experienced person says you should.
Cheers to being yourself...unapologetically.
<3 Madison
Monday, January 20, 2014
Identity crisis
I rather impulsively posted the following status update on Facebook the other day:
"Guys, I'm having an identity crisis.
I've been working through a book of exercises for 20-somethings for the past month, and I just finished reading a section about disentangling who you are from what you do. But I've noticed multiple times that when I take away my title as "writer," I literally have no idea who I am or why I matter to the world.
Does anybody else struggle with this? Do you tie the entire meaning of your existence to what you do?
Help."
It's true. Ever since I started writing, I've felt a sense of meaning and purpose in my life. I would think, "This is what I am meant to do. This is what makes me important in the world, even if it makes me just a little bit more important than I used to be."
The book I've been reading has really encouraged me to peel back a lot of layers in my life. It has led to a lot of self-discovery, not all of it very comforting. One of my latest realizations is that I have been tying a large chunk of my identity to my job for a long time. When I'm not working or not working on something I enjoy, I feel worthless. When I describe myself, the things I like about myself, and the things I enjoy doing, most of those things have something to do with my ability to create. While this isn't necessarily a terrible thing (because it's good to do something you can feel good and passionate about), it's detrimental to my self-esteem. If I'm not a writer, I don't really know who I am. It's unsettling.
The book I'm referring to (20 Something, 20 Everything) asked the following questions in an exercise about separating who you are from what you do:
1. Do you think a job can make you feel better about yourself? Will it (or does it) validate you?
2. Do you think you must have a career in order to feel successful?
3. Do you feel embarrassed when someone asks you what you do for a living? Are you ashamed of what you do?
4. Do you think people would think more of you if you had a better job?
5. Do you think your life would be better if you had a job you loved?
6. Do you ever feel worthless because you do not think you are doing something important?
I answered "yes" or "sometimes" to every single question. Ever since I got out of high school, I've been driven by the need to do something. When my writing finally started to take off and I started landing gigs here and there, it validated me as a human. And even though I enjoy what I do (most of the time), I still don't feel established enough. I don't make enough money. I don't have enough notoriety in the world of writers. I haven't succeeded at something big or super note-worthy. I'm always wanting more and feeling embarrassed and less than when I don't live up to expectations. Therefore, I tie my identity and self-worth to how much I do.
And despite knowing that this is an unhealthy mentality, I can't seem to break it. No matter how many times I am reminded that I am worthy simply for existing, I just don't feel important unless I'm doing something productive and meaningful.
Sometimes I can't help but ask myself if I've really grown much at all. I tied my sense of self-worth to what I did (or didn't do) after high school, and I've recently realized that I'm still doing it now. Sure, I found something I'm passionate about that gives me a sense of meaning, but if I'm not doing or succeeding at that something, I still judge myself---just like I did 4 years ago.
Maybe it will take a lot of time and self-awareness to break this awful habit of mine. Maybe it will take going on a vacation and vowing not to touch my laptop while I'm away. Maybe it will take a lot more internal searching and a lot less external searching (like asking complete strangers to validate me and tell me who I am on Facebook).
Who are you when you're not doing anything? Who are you when no one is watching?
<3 Madison
"Guys, I'm having an identity crisis.
I've been working through a book of exercises for 20-somethings for the past month, and I just finished reading a section about disentangling who you are from what you do. But I've noticed multiple times that when I take away my title as "writer," I literally have no idea who I am or why I matter to the world.
Does anybody else struggle with this? Do you tie the entire meaning of your existence to what you do?
Help."
It's true. Ever since I started writing, I've felt a sense of meaning and purpose in my life. I would think, "This is what I am meant to do. This is what makes me important in the world, even if it makes me just a little bit more important than I used to be."
The book I've been reading has really encouraged me to peel back a lot of layers in my life. It has led to a lot of self-discovery, not all of it very comforting. One of my latest realizations is that I have been tying a large chunk of my identity to my job for a long time. When I'm not working or not working on something I enjoy, I feel worthless. When I describe myself, the things I like about myself, and the things I enjoy doing, most of those things have something to do with my ability to create. While this isn't necessarily a terrible thing (because it's good to do something you can feel good and passionate about), it's detrimental to my self-esteem. If I'm not a writer, I don't really know who I am. It's unsettling.
The book I'm referring to (20 Something, 20 Everything) asked the following questions in an exercise about separating who you are from what you do:
1. Do you think a job can make you feel better about yourself? Will it (or does it) validate you?
2. Do you think you must have a career in order to feel successful?
3. Do you feel embarrassed when someone asks you what you do for a living? Are you ashamed of what you do?
4. Do you think people would think more of you if you had a better job?
5. Do you think your life would be better if you had a job you loved?
6. Do you ever feel worthless because you do not think you are doing something important?
I answered "yes" or "sometimes" to every single question. Ever since I got out of high school, I've been driven by the need to do something. When my writing finally started to take off and I started landing gigs here and there, it validated me as a human. And even though I enjoy what I do (most of the time), I still don't feel established enough. I don't make enough money. I don't have enough notoriety in the world of writers. I haven't succeeded at something big or super note-worthy. I'm always wanting more and feeling embarrassed and less than when I don't live up to expectations. Therefore, I tie my identity and self-worth to how much I do.
And despite knowing that this is an unhealthy mentality, I can't seem to break it. No matter how many times I am reminded that I am worthy simply for existing, I just don't feel important unless I'm doing something productive and meaningful.
Sometimes I can't help but ask myself if I've really grown much at all. I tied my sense of self-worth to what I did (or didn't do) after high school, and I've recently realized that I'm still doing it now. Sure, I found something I'm passionate about that gives me a sense of meaning, but if I'm not doing or succeeding at that something, I still judge myself---just like I did 4 years ago.
Maybe it will take a lot of time and self-awareness to break this awful habit of mine. Maybe it will take going on a vacation and vowing not to touch my laptop while I'm away. Maybe it will take a lot more internal searching and a lot less external searching (like asking complete strangers to validate me and tell me who I am on Facebook).
Who are you when you're not doing anything? Who are you when no one is watching?
<3 Madison
Friday, January 17, 2014
Miscellaneous thoughts (Part 9)
~ How many times can you struggle with the same exact thing before you're not socially allowed to struggle with it anymore?
~ Wonderful things will happen if you genuinely believe that wonderful things will happen---and that you deserve those things.
~ Rejection is vary rarely about you.
~ Overanalyzation creates problems that never existed in the first place.
~ Love will come to you. It may not come in the way or the time that you hope or expect, but it will come.
~ Are you following the trends or following your heart?
~ I can't seem to stop tying my sense of self-worth to what I do. No matter how many times people say being is more important than doing, I just don't feel like that's the case in modern society. We seem to only be defined and judged by the things we do. I'm confused.
~ The joy of living your own life and doing your own thing is greater than the discomfort of stepping on a few toes along the way.
~ Being a "grown-up" has more to do with your attitude and level of productivity than your external accomplishments.
~ Replace the word "should" with the word "could."
<3 Madison
~ Wonderful things will happen if you genuinely believe that wonderful things will happen---and that you deserve those things.
~ Rejection is vary rarely about you.
~ Overanalyzation creates problems that never existed in the first place.
~ Love will come to you. It may not come in the way or the time that you hope or expect, but it will come.
~ Are you following the trends or following your heart?
~ I can't seem to stop tying my sense of self-worth to what I do. No matter how many times people say being is more important than doing, I just don't feel like that's the case in modern society. We seem to only be defined and judged by the things we do. I'm confused.
~ The joy of living your own life and doing your own thing is greater than the discomfort of stepping on a few toes along the way.
~ Being a "grown-up" has more to do with your attitude and level of productivity than your external accomplishments.
~ Replace the word "should" with the word "could."
<3 Madison
Wednesday, January 1, 2014
A hopeful new year
Happy New Year, friends. Today is my annual day of feeling both hopeful and dreadful about my life and where it's going. It's a day of what ifs and self-doubt. But it's also a day of gratitude and excitement. I've already gone from feeling cranky to happy to melancholy to gratified, and it's only noon.
Despite my mixed feelings, I try to start each new year on a positive note. I try to hold on to feelings of hope and excitement.
Here are my hopes for you (and myself) this year:
I hope you always remember to remind yourself that you're not alone. Whatever you're going through or feeling right now, I absolutely guaranteed you that somebody somewhere is going through or feeling the exact same thing.
I hope you choose love over and over and over again.
I hope you make and achieve goals because you want to and not because you have someone to impress or something to prove.
I hope you pay attention to your priorities and do your best to nurture them, even though life is busy, demanding and complicated at times.
I hope all your dreams come true.
I hope you work hard to keep your head above the water when all you want to do is allow yourself to drown.
I hope you choose kindness over revenge.
I hope you take care of yourself.
I hope you give yourself a chance.
I hope you realize that trying is success within itself---even if you try and fail.
I hope you learn to differentiate "should" from "want to."
I hope you take each day as it comes and realize that this very moment is the only thing you need to focus on.
<3 Madison
Despite my mixed feelings, I try to start each new year on a positive note. I try to hold on to feelings of hope and excitement.
Here are my hopes for you (and myself) this year:
I hope you always remember to remind yourself that you're not alone. Whatever you're going through or feeling right now, I absolutely guaranteed you that somebody somewhere is going through or feeling the exact same thing.
I hope you choose love over and over and over again.
I hope you make and achieve goals because you want to and not because you have someone to impress or something to prove.
I hope you pay attention to your priorities and do your best to nurture them, even though life is busy, demanding and complicated at times.
I hope all your dreams come true.
I hope you work hard to keep your head above the water when all you want to do is allow yourself to drown.
I hope you choose kindness over revenge.
I hope you take care of yourself.
I hope you give yourself a chance.
I hope you realize that trying is success within itself---even if you try and fail.
I hope you learn to differentiate "should" from "want to."
I hope you take each day as it comes and realize that this very moment is the only thing you need to focus on.
<3 Madison
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