Thursday, December 29, 2011

Journal entry excerpts from my vacation

Hello friends! I've been in Florida for the past week and a half and I safely returned home yesterday. While I was there, I decided to write daily journal entries so I could document every experience, every thought, and every feeling. I like having something to look back on and if I go on vacation or do anything else that could possibly add new memories to my soul, I always want to write about it.

Since you guys have been out of the loop for awhile, I decided to write a little "here's what you missed" post. I am going to take excerpts from each journal entry I wrote while I was on vacation and share them with you. Most of the excerpts will just be thoughts I had or realizations I came to while I was without internet and couldn't blog it out. So I hope you enjoy and I hope you all had a very merry Christmas :-)

Day One ~ The main piece of my soul that I want to share today is that I’ve been feeling a little sad and nostalgic the past couple of days. Unfortunately, there is no cure for these feelings. I tend to drown them in ice cream and music. Perfect temporary fix. But what I learned today is that spending time with people who make you smile, laugh, and think about other things, a.k.a. my favorite family members that I am currently spending my time with, is way better than drowning your sorrow in ice cream and loud music all by yourself. Ice cream and music may put bandages on the wounds, but surrounding yourself with people who make you happy stitches those wounds.

Day Two ~ I’ve been thinking more about my obvious lack of professional writing skills today and wondering if I will be able to keep myself afloat out there in the writing world. My best writing comes out when it’s natural and authentic. I struggle a little bit with professional, informative writing because writing from my heart and sharing pieces of myself and my imagination in every project is all I’ve ever known.

But I know I shouldn’t worry about all that stuff right now. There will always be room for improvement and I have to remind myself that I’m good enough to make those improvements. I know that I will do work that is meaningful to me someday---Work that is both personal and professional.  

Day Three ~ Once we arrived at the hotel, I felt a little sad and lonely for awhile. The feeling passed eventually, but I must say that I miss my doggies. And once I start missing one thing, I remember all of the other things that I miss too. I replay all of those things in my head over and over again.

I’ve especially been missing some of my old friends lately. I like to be alone and I went through a phase this year where I isolated myself and learned to become my own best friend again. Now that I’ve done that, I think it’s about time for me to rekindle some broken relationships.

I didn’t just start completely cutting people that I loved out of my life during my period of isolation. Most of those people were already gone. But I became a little less concerned with doing all the work of keeping in touch with everybody. You can only stare at a phone that never rings for so long before you decide to stop staring at it. As far as I was concerned, the ball was out of my court.

But I want to try to get back in touch with a few people because I’m starting to realize that some of those people mean everything to me and I do not want to go on pretending like I never met them. I do not want them to become strangers. Old memories are starting to drill a hole in my chest and I feel like I need to get in touch with the people I shared those memories with before that hole gets any bigger. 

Day Four ~ I’m just not a fan of swimming. It’s okay every now and then, but all you really do is get into a pit of water and flail your limbs around. Unless I’m skinny dipping with a sexy Australian dude next to the most magnificent waterfall in the world, I’m just not too interested. 

Day Five ~ I stumbled across several walls covered in writing from different people and stuff like that has always been fascinating to me for some reason. It’s interesting how people take the time to make their mark. People wrote their names, initials, love interests, etc. and I just had to write my initials on one of the walls. If I ever go back to that mini-golf course, I will look for it.

Day Six ~ Today was another lazy day, but I spent most of it working on a writing project and reading Breaking Dawn.

I used to roll my eyes at the Twilight series. I thought the whole “girl falls in love with vampire” concept was dumb. But I recently decided to give the series a chance because I wanted to know what all the hype was about. And I know a few people who are huge Twilight fans and I wanted to give them the benefit of the doubt. So I’m finally on the last chapter of the last book and I must say that I’m kind of sad that it’s ending. In book series, you get all attached to the characters and when the series ends, you’re not totally sure what to do with your life anymore. I’m definitely not obsessed with the series, but it wasn’t bad. Just goes to show that you should give something a chance before you roll your eyes at it and walk away. 

Day Seven ~ You can’t give people the power to make you feel like less of a human or like you’re doing something wrong when you’re not. You’re freaking amazing and you have to tell yourself that and mean it. There is nothing wrong with you. Don’t let anyone make you feel bad about yourself over something stupid. Just blast “Mean” by Taylor Swift and let it roll off your back. 

Day Eight ~ I just think it’s really lame to cling to this “I’m so cool and I don’t slide down slides or swing on swings or build gingerbread houses or start snowball fights” demeanor. No one gives a shit. Slide down slides, swing on swings that are too big, spend your Saturday night building a gingerbread house, and hurl a snowball at someone’s face. Life is too short to think you’re too cool or too old for certain things. I never want to let go of my childhood spark and hopefully, I never will. 

Day Nine ~ I can be pretty stubborn sometimes. My opinions, beliefs, and ways of living are freaking awesome and by golly, you best be agreeing with them. But no. Everyone is different. There are millions and billions of different opinions, theories, beliefs, ways of thinking, and ways of living. It can be overwhelming. Although I can be stubborn at times, I like to keep an open mind as well. When all of these different viewpoints and opinions from people who have pretty valid points hit me in the face at full force, it can be hard to decide what to swallow and what to spit out.

But I have to honor the fact that I have my own opinions and beliefs too. We are all different. My point is that you can’t always fight to be right. It’s not right to shove your opinions and beliefs down other people’s throats. I wouldn’t want anybody doing that to me, therefore I shouldn’t do it either. And I don’t. Like I said, I just don’t think it’s right. 

So I may get heated if someone says something that I highly disagree with, but does that mean I should swear that they’re wrong and I’m right? Or should I just respect the fact that they have an opinion too and just let it go?

Fighting, arguing, and spending precious moments of your life trying to force someone to see things your way is a waste of positive energy. Instead of “you’re wrong,” maybe we should say, “I don’t agree, but I respect your way of thinking anyway” instead. You don’t have to agree with people and you certainly don’t have to conform to what they say is right. But you should respect that we’re all different and that we won’t always agree with each other. No matter what you say, do, or think, someone somewhere will oppose it. Instead of lashing out, just choose not to care.

The bottom line is that peace is better than war. But someone somewhere might disagree with that statement too. 

Day Ten ~ I can’t believe it’s already day ten. It seems like just yesterday when I was sitting on my temporary bed at my uncle’s house and deciding that this was not going to be a professional travel log. I’m happy with that decision too because it’s hard to write professional content when you’re either lounging around counting how many ducks are in the scummy pond by your hotel window or getting distracted by whimsical looking buildings and wondering what they look like on the inside. Why be professional when you can just be yourself? Don’t answer that.

Day Eleven ~ I miss my dogs. Every parent, whether you’re a parent of an animal or a child, needs a break from parenting every now and then. But you soon realize how much you miss your little objects of affection and going home to them is pretty much the greatest thing ever when the time comes. So I can't wait to see their wonderful little faces again. 

Day Twelve ~ It is truly heartbreaking and terrifying how quickly time moves. Think about it. Every second that passes is a second that is gone forever. Moments are constantly being replaced with new moments. Moments are constantly turning into memories. People always say to savor each moment, but each moment still flies by whether you savor it or not.  

Today, my whole life flashed before my eyes. I was just riding in the car listening to Taylor Swift when it happened. And then I started crying. I was wearing sunglasses and pretending to be asleep, but I felt the warm tears as they rolled down my cheeks. All those moments. Gone.

I even watched the sky out my window as it went from blue to purple to red to black and it all seemed to happen so quickly. The day was coming to an end before my very eyes and all I could do was watch.

It’s just really hard to stay present when I’m constantly looking over my shoulder and feeling nostalgic. This year went by so fast and I’m going to be 20 years old in less than four months. I can’t even make myself accept that yet. 

Thanks for reading. <3 


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