Thursday, December 12, 2013

Thoughts on self-love

Lori Deschene, founder of Tiny Buddha, recently released her second book titled Tiny Buddha's Guide to Loving Yourself: 40 Ways to Transform Your Inner Critic and Your Life. I haven't really given this book a lot of promotion on my blog, and I figured today's topic would give me a good excuse to. Not only am I featured in this book, but it is like a bowl of warm soup on a cold day if you frequently struggle with self-love like I do. I keep it on my nightstand with Lori's other book, and I refer to it when I'm having "one of those days."

I have "one of those days" at least twice every month, if not more. Sometimes my day just gets off on the wrong foot. Sometimes I get struck with jealousy or the need to compare. Sometimes I get really excited about something only to fail at it miserably. Sometimes I get dejected about everything I lack and forget to notice all the wonderful things I have right under my nose. Sometimes I just feel like a total failure.

Unconditional self-love is by far one of the hardest things I've ever tried to achieve. I am going to have days where I feel like I've finally reached that place, and I am going to have days where I want to punch myself in the face...And I might as well, considering the horribly self-depreciating thoughts that are going through my mind.

Imagine if you had a little man handcuffed to your wrist at all times...You would eventually start to hate him a little, regardless of how cute, funny or nice he was, right? Because he is handcuffed to your wrist at all times, and you have to deal with him every moment of every day. I think that's why self-love is so hard. No matter how great we seem to others, we eventually get sick of ourselves because we know everything about ourselves and have to wake up and face that every morning. It can get messy. (The little man analogy is kind of creepy, but I'm trying to make a point. Just go with it.)

I can literally go from wanting to dive off a cliff to feeling super proud of and okay with myself in a span of 24 hours. I never know what's going to set off a fresh bout of self-hatred or when it's going to end. Self-love is one of the most challenging and puzzling topics of all time. It has the smartest of humans and the most established of self-help professionals scratching their heads. Why is it so hard? Why doesn't it last? Why can't we all just reach that place of unconditional self-love once and for all?

Truth is, I don't think anyone ever really does. And maybe that's okay. All we can do is the best we can at any given moment. Sometimes your best is going to be simply picking yourself up off the floor or giving yourself permission to watch 4 hours of Boy Meets World without judging yourself for it.

And if self-love is something you struggle with a lot, the above mentioned book is a must-read. Keep it by your bedside or in your purse (if you carry one), and flip through it the next time you're having "one of those days." You might just come across something you've been dying to hear.

What has your own self-love journey been like? How do you pick yourself up when you're having an awful, self-hatred filled day or week? What does self-love mean to you? Do you have any additional self-love resources to share?

Leave me a comment or shoot me an email, and let me know your thoughts!

<3 Madison    


  1. I struggle with this and my self worth too..badly..just knowing what it means and figuring out how do i really know im worth something..good read thanks for sharing

  2. I really struggle with this on a daily basis too and have for like forever! I have been reading some really great blog post on the subject here lately and guess that the higher being is trying to talk to me....................Have you ever looked into being an empath? I have been looking into it a lot lately and trying to really catch myself loathing and checking to see what is going on around make sure that it is really coming from me. And not an outside source that I am picking up on that is making me come down on myself and be depressed............................ Just a thought.....

    1. Thanks for reading, Lisa! I try to be more self-aware as well and catch myself when mean thoughts are going through my mind. It's a great idea to figure out where they're coming from.