“You have your way. I
have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does
not exist.” ~ Friedrich Nietzsche
My general personal perspective has gone from blurry to
stubborn to open-minded over the past few years.
By my general personal perspective, I mean my individual
views on life, society and other people.
Let’s explore each phase and how I ultimately reached a
state of open-mindedness.
My blurry perspective phase: This could also be referred to
as my “narrow” perspective phase. I used to think life was a straight line and
that there was only one way to live it. I believed that you had to be really
lucky, special, rich, attractive, confident and likable to go any other way. I
didn’t believe in following big dreams or exploring nontraditional paths. I was raised around the belief that life should go as follows in
this exact order: Go to school (Elementary school, middle school and high
school) – Get a minimum wage job and driver’s license at 16 – Immediately
proceed to college after graduating from high school at 18 – Land a traditional desk job/career – Buy a fancy apartment or house – Get married – Have
children – Work, work, work, pay bills, pay bills, pay bills – Get old and
retire – Die.
It looked something like that. I literally thought this was
how life was supposed to work. At sixteen, I needed my license and a minimum wage job. After high school, I needed to go to college and major in
something that didn’t interest me at all. After college, I needed to buy a fancy apartment or house and start my uninteresting
career. And so on and so forth…
Welp, none of that happened when it was “supposed” to. At
the time, this sent me into a spiraling panic of “Oh no! It’s not supposed to
be this way! I’m not living my life the same way as everyone else! I’m a
failure!!!!”
Looking back, this was a blessing in disguise that saved me
from wandering down the wrong path. But at the time, it seemed like a tragedy.
Basically, I thought there were “rules” in life and that I
wasn’t following those rules. That’s why I call this perspective the blurry
perspective. I didn’t think for myself. I didn’t follow my heart. I just
blindly and mindlessly went along with what the rest of society seemed to be
doing and put all of my precious time and energy into trying to please others.
Yuck.
Okay, let’s move on to the next phase…
My stubborn perspective phase: Once I epically realized that
life doesn’t come with a rulebook and that I could do “whatever the hell I
wanted,” I got kind of prideful and obnoxious about it. “Screw college! Screw
real jobs! This is my life, and I am
going to do with it what I will!”
I distanced myself from friends who attended college or had
real jobs because I thought they wouldn’t possibly understand my nontraditional
life decisions. Whenever someone raised an eyebrow after I told them what I was
planning on doing with my life, I would immediately label them as judgmental or
narrow-minded.
“I don’t need these narrow-minded people in my life,” I declared
to myself. I basically chose to only surround
myself with people who were pursuing similar paths as mine. Underneath all this
“rebellion” and prideful preaching about breaking away from the rest of the
crowd, there was deep insecurity and damaging individualism.
I began to isolate myself. I avoided family gatherings for
fear of being judged as the “black sheep” of the bunch. I avoided talking about
my dreams and life plans with others. Whenever someone asked me what I was up
to, I deflected the conversation as best I could. I concluded that nobody
understood me and my dreams and that I was better off being a recluse. So I became
one.
As much as I hate to admit it, I sort of looked down on
people who seemed to follow the traditional timeline of life. I assumed they
were miserable and weak. I was the
one being judgmental, not them.
I just basically got really stubborn and conclusive about my
views on life. Whenever someone challenged me or seemed to disagree with me or
did things differently than I did, I’d turn my nose up at them or cut them out
of my life altogether.
My way or the highway. If you wanted to be in my life, you
had to think just like me.
And now the final phase…
My open-minded perspective phase: Although I occasionally
still struggle with my blurry perspective phase and my stubborn perspective
phase, I think I’ve generally reached a place of open-mindedness by now. I’m
more consciously aware of how I choose to perceive certain people and
situations.
It’s amazing how much your world can open up and improve
when you adopt an open mind and a positive perspective. Everything changes. It
really is all about perspective. You find what you look for/focus on.
For example, if you assume that every human who doesn’t do
things the way you do is judgmental of you, then every human who doesn’t do
things the way you do will seem judgmental
of you.
If you assume that the whole world has gone crazy or that
everyone is violent or that nobody can be trusted, then only the violent or
negative headlines will pop out at you when you look at the Yahoo trending
topics or read the newspaper and such. And every person you come into contact
with will seem untrustworthy on some level.
My point is that having an open mind has made my life and
relationships a whole lot brighter. I no longer marinate in unhealthy thought
patterns or assume that my family and friends are super critical of me. I
no longer assume that everyone is out to get me. I no longer assume that every
human I come into contact with is going to hurt or judge me.
And I no longer believe that life is a straight line or that
my way is the best way.
I’m no better than the next person, just like the next
person is no better than me. What other people do and think is none of my
business. I’ll live my life, and they can live theirs. I have my opinions, they
have their opinions. I have my way, they have their way.
It’s fine. If people do or think differently than I do or
think, we can still be friends.
Speaking of which, my relationships with family and friends
have since improved. I no longer exclude them. I see them as loving, warm
people with good intentions, therefore they appear that way. (We get what we
look for, remember?)
My general personal perspective is no longer blurry, stiff,
narrow or conclusive. It’s open and accepting---towards life, society, other
people, etc.
I am totally entitled to my individual views, opinions and
life choices. And so is everyone else.
<3 Madison
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