Work hard (on your passions)

Popular society uses the phrase "work hard" a lot.

"If you want to make something of yourself, you have to work hard."
"Truly successful people work harder than everybody else."

I agree that hard work leads to great results, but I think there's one little important detail that's being left out of all these "work hard" rants.

The truth is, I'm an interesting cross between a hard worker and a lackadaisical couch potato. I've always been resistant when it comes to doing things I don't want to do. In school, I'd half-ass my way through my math homework because I didn't like math. I failed my physical science chapter tests because going swimming in Antarctica with nothing but a bikini on sounded more fun than reading physical science chapters. I procrastinated. I Googled answers. I read SparkNotes. I felt like throwing my belongings across the room when I saw the word "explain" on my test papers because simply giving the right answer wasn't good enough.  

Don't get me wrong. I actually made pretty decent grades in school. Mostly A's and B's with a C every now and then in subjects I hated. (And okay, I passed Algebra with a D in 9th grade.) I always studied and got my work done (for the most part) because getting good grades mattered to me.

Which brings me to the central point of this post....

I've noticed that I only work hard on the things that truly matter to me.

When it comes to doing things I'm passionate about and working towards goals I want to achieve more than anything, I basically turn into a crazed work-a-holic who deprives herself of food, sleep and bathroom breaks until she gets a satisfying amount of work done within a certain time period. When I'm working on something I'm passionate about, it would take a pretty massive emergency to pull me away.

This has always sort of set me apart from others. I always wanted to be creative and do whatever the hell I pleased, and my family and peers could not fathom why I so adamantly neglected things like going to college and getting a real job. It's because I never wanted to go to college. I never wanted a real job. I acted like I did because I thought I was supposed to and would tell people, "Oh, I plan on going to college and getting a job very soon!" But deep down, I knew that probably wasn't going to happen. I didn't care enough about those things to put in the effort required to achieve them.

So while all my friends were accomplishing these grown-up activities at lightning speed, I sat at home wishing I could work on my seemingly insignificant passions and still feel as important and accomplished as them. I felt lazy, irresponsible and unworthy in comparison and thought there was something terribly wrong with me for being so resistant to all that "hard work." I felt like such an asshole when my friends would text me about how busy and bogged down there were with things like work, school, and other young adult responsibilities.

I grew up slowly, gradually, and at my own pace. But the fact that I only work hard on things I care about hasn't changed. I have my dream job. I'm working on my first eBook, and I couldn't be more excited about it or proud of it. I love how I'm constantly dreaming up new ideas and possibilities for my work life. Uncertainty feels more exciting than scary these days.

Case in point, I think I'm doing pretty well despite my extreme lethargic nature. I'm not rolling in cash or showering in notoriety, and I still have a lot of learning and growing up left to do. But I'm happy. I'm happy because I only do what I love every day. I work hard on that because it's the only thing that makes sense to me.

So yeah, work hard...but only on what you're passionate about. A lot of people say things like, "Sometimes you just have to suck it up and work hard even if you don't like what you're doing." While I agree that sometimes we have to go through the messy stuff to get to the good stuff, I don't think anyone should feel obligated to settle for or simply tolerate something that they don't truly care about. I know I don't.

What are YOU passionate about, and how have you nurtured that passion today?

<3 Madison  

My "anti self-abuse" policy

Yesterday I sort of planned on going for a walk and picking up trash and litter in my area---in honor of Earth Day and because littering is my number one environmental pet peeve. (Why are people still doing that???) I've had some extra free time on my hands lately, so I thought contributing to the beauty and cleanliness of my community would be a good way to put that free time to good use. I could pop in my earplugs, grab a trash bag (and maybe some rubber gloves) and get to work. It would be great!

But instead of doing that during my free time, I found myself alternating between frolicking to music, fussing with my hair, and catching up on the book I'm currently reading. Then I remembered, "Oh yeah! Didn't I plan on picking up litter instead of engaging in such activities?" I could feel the inner voice of negativity and disapproval coming on, but to my amazement, I managed to stuff it down and ignore it before it could tell me how irresponsible and environmentally negligent I was. I was immediately able to replace that with something more like, "I'm actually enjoying my music frolicking, hair fussing, book reading free time. The litter will still be there if I decide to pick it up some other day." And just like that, I went back to what I was doing---guilt free.

I've noticed myself doing this quite a lot these days. I keep coming up against this blunt refusal to beat myself up or attack myself with "shoulds." It's like I've subconsciously developed an "anti self-abuse" policy.

I'm not saying I don't beat myself up at all. I do. But I've been doing it way less these days. I've adopted an extremely nonchalant, somewhat uncaring mentality. While this is very liberating and has helped me love myself more, I can't help but wonder if it's a little bit of a bad thing too.

I'm a huge advocate of treating yourself with patience and kindness, but I'm also a huge advocate of remaining self-aware. I think it's good to be able to stop every now and then and think, "I could be better at this" or "I could change this." Recognizing how we can be better or how we can change is what leads to growth. If everyone just kept doing what they've always done and never made an effort to recognize the areas of their life that could be better or different, we'd all become pretty boring and stagnant after awhile. There would be no more stories to tell. There would be no more lessons to teach.

I don't want my extremely nonchalant and somewhat uncaring mentality to prevent me from recognizing the areas of my life that could use work. I'm not exactly talking about my failure to pick up litter when I told myself I would. I'm just talking about the self-punishing thoughts I deflect in general. There are some that I probably shouldn't be deflecting so much.

Maybe there's a healthy way to stay self-aware without punishing myself over anything. I guess I just need to find some sort of balance.

What do you guys think? Is my new "anti self-abuse" policy a good thing?

<3 Madison          

Miscellaneous thoughts (Part 4)

~ Don't give anyone the authority to dump their negative energy on top of your happiness. Whenever someone is horrible, mean, rude, critical or belligerent, you need to remember that THEY have a problem, not you. It has nothing to do with you. So continue to be happy, and just let them sit in their miserable little corner if they want to.

~ If you're unsure about whether or not you should reach out for help or support, reach out for help or support. It's okay to completely crumble at someone's feet and admit that you're hurting.

~ It's never too late to right a wrong or chase a dream.

~ Internet friends still count as friends.

~ If you've been struggling with self-love lately, stop what you're doing and read the following two articles. They're kind of fantastic...

When to love yourself 
How to Love Your Authentic Self

~ I'm admittedly having a terrible day, yet I've managed to successfully remind myself that it doesn't mean I have a terrible life. That's rare, and I deserve a nap for it.  

~ Kindness is one of the most charitable gifts you can offer. Be kind to someone today.

<3 Madison

Thoughts on doing something right

Hi friends.

I'm sorry I've been a bit MIA lately. I'm not a super professional with a master plan to blog daily or once a week or twice a week or what have you. I just sort of blog whenever I feel inspired and hope that I get inspired frequently and that you guys don't hate me or lose interest in my absence.

I just wanted to share a couple of thoughts with you today.

My eyes popped open at 6:30 this morning, and adrenaline pumped through every fiber of my being. As I lied there feeling more than ready to start my day, counting my blessings, formulating new ideas, and contemplating exciting new possibilities for my life, my eyes suddenly filled with tears of joy, fear, excitement and bewilderment all at the same time. And all I could think in that moment was, "I have got to be doing something right."

I love those moments. Those moments where you feel stars aligning in your soul. Those moments when your intuitive voice is nearly shouting in your ear to keep going---to keep doing what you're doing. Those moments when you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you're exactly where you need to be, doing exactly what you need to do, with exactly what you need to have, despite the uncertainty that still lies ahead.

And even if you haven't had one of those moments recently, I want to let you know that you're still exactly where you need to be. And the pain, grief, fear or confusion that you may be feeling right now is only leading you to one of those moments later on. And you will look back on that pain, grief, fear and confusion and understand why it was there.

I also wanted to remind you not to be so hard on yourself when you do something that you or someone else perceives as wrong.

You may make goals and not follow through with them. That's okay. Maybe it means your heart is making room for new goals.

You may fail to treat other people the way you want to be treated. That's okay. Maybe it means you're an imperfect human being just like them.

You may get your priorities thrown out of whack. That's okay. Maybe it means you have an opportunity to put them back in whack.

You may have days where all you want to do is sit on the couch in your pajamas and eat junk food. That's okay. Maybe it means you need to slow down and recharge.

So as a concluding thought, I guess I just wanted to remind you that everything is going to be okay. And even when you feel like you're doing everything wrong, one day you will realize that you've actually done everything right.

<3 Madison  

What popular culture doesn't tell you (A musing on life, love, success and humanity)

Every now and then I find myself reminiscing about all the beliefs I used to hold about life and society and challenging some of the ones I still have.

I took a personal survey one time that asked me what I would say if I could get one message out to a large group of people. Aside from "be nice to each other," I would pretty much say something like this:

On life: You are going to die. I know that sounds morbid and horrible, but it is the absolute truth of human existence. We are all going to die. You know what that means? It means that the zit on your face, your annoying co-worker, your bad hair day, your slow Internet connection, the opinion of someone who's name you won't even remember in six months, the hole in your favorite pair of jeans, and the fact that your favorite celebrity is (OMG) in the news for yet another scandal does not mean shit. None of it matters. Be happy, love people, and do whatever you want to do with your own life. No one else can live it for you or make your decisions.

And those feelings you're feeling and those super hard/seemingly uphill battles you're fighting? They're normal. Growing up and facing new challenges is going to suck, and you may not even know where to begin when it comes to that nightmarish road to adulthood. Give it permission to suck. Give yourself permission to be hopelessly confused. You do not need to have your entire life mapped out or even the next month of your life mapped out the second you step out of high school or college. In fact, if you choose to sit around doing "nothing of particular importance" every day for a year afterwards, it's okay. I'd rather do nothing of particular importance than throw myself at the first career opportunity that comes my way because people say I'm supposed to.

Take your time. Live your life. Feel your feelings. And stop following "the rules," because guess what? They don't exist. They're an illusion.      

On love: Love is the only thing that truly matters. Not just romantic love, but the kind of love you feel when your grandmother hugs you, when your puppy wants to play, when you hold your child for the first time, when you share a laugh with someone, when you're engaging in an activity that fills you up with passion and excitement, or when a total stranger performs a random act of kindness on you. Love, in all its different forms, is beautiful.

Also, love whoever you want. Your heart is no one's business but yours. If someone else can't feel what you feel in your heart, they have no right to tell you who to love.

Also, it's okay to be single. It's more than okay to be single. The purpose of life isn't marriage or finding "the one." It upsets me when people think they're supposed to be in a relationship. Your relationship status and/or sex life is nobody's f****** business. And I would totally support the desire to actually SAY that to the next person who gives you flack about "still being single." Yes, you can swear if you want. And if you DO want to find love, but haven't yet---be patient and stay open. It might just come when you least expect it.    

On success: Money does not equal success. Status does not equal success. You wanna know what DOES equal success? Happiness. If you love what you are doing and wake up every morning feeling excited about new ideas and possibilities, then you are successful. It doesn't matter how much money you make or how many accomplishments you have under your belt. Doing something that puts a smile on your face is MY definition of success.    

On humanity: You are not perfect. The concept of trying to have it all together is extremely overrated. If you want to go to the grocery store in your Mickey Mouse pajamas, go for it. If you accidentally burp at the dinner table, the universe will not disown you. If you lose your temper, it doesn't mean you're a terrible person. If you have days where you hate yourself, doubt yourself, and conclude that you deserve zero of the good things in your life, it means you're a human being who feels and struggles just like everyone else.

You're not always going to have it all together. You're going to have days where you make mistakes and do things you're not proud of. You're going to hurt, regret, doubt, fear and lose. But the world will always keep spinning.

Do your best. Say you're sorry. Choose goodness. Mess up over and over and over again. Keep going. Take care of yourself. Take care of others. Cry. Complain. Take risks. Be who you are. Do what you want. And embrace your imperfect humanity.

<3 Madison      

Remembering the good

I think everyone has days where they question the good things in their life when the good things aren't going as great as usual.

Maybe you had an upsetting spat with your amazing and supportive significant other.

Maybe the pressure accompanied with your dream job is wearing you down.

Maybe your new baby is driving you insane, and you haven’t adequately slept in weeks.

Maybe your best friend forgot your birthday.

Maybe the renovation to-do list for the adorable little house you just bought seems exhausting and never-ending.

Your brain has a tricky way of making you question things.

“Does my significant other truly love and support me?”

“Do I really want this job? Maybe I should quit...”  

“I was crazy to think I was ready for this new baby. I don’t know how to be a good parent. I’m a failure.”

“Looks like my best friend isn't such a good friend after all. I clearly need better people in my life.”

“I've been working on this new house more than I've been enjoying it. Maybe I should just go back to my previous living arrangements, and leave this to-do list with someone who has more time, energy and enthusiasm." 

So should you really conclude that your significant other doesn't love you, quit your dream job, assume you’re a horrible parent, send your best friend to the corner of shame, or leave your new house behind and go back to your previous living arrangements? Nope. It means you soldier on and remember that you have a good thing in your life even when it sucks sometimes.   

We can’t always expect the good things to be totally good. Realizing this has been sort of life-changing for me. My brain likes to jump to conclusions and try to convince me to run screaming when something doesn't go my way. I used to listen to my brain a lot, and I still do sometimes. But if I were to listen to everything my brain told me, I’d be unhappy and miserable for giving up so many good things just because they weren't good 100% of the time. Every day is a challenge to listen to my heart and my gut instead. Every day is a challenge to peacefully settle into the knowing that everything is unfolding exactly as it should.   

I have a lot of good things in my life right now. I have been so full of happiness, passion, love, creativity and inspiration. I’m excited about where my journey is leading. But along with all that happiness, passion, love, creativity, inspiration and excitement, there have been moments of discouragement, doubt, melancholy, fear and uncertainty.

But am I going to question and/or forget about all the good stuff during those moments? Not this time. And you shouldn't either.

<3 Madison      

Miscellaneous thoughts (Part 3)

~ Things are never really as bad as they seem. When something seemingly stressful or bad happens, it's normal to immediately go into survival or "woe is me" mode. But here's what you need to remember in times like these: You will live, the feelings will pass, some blessings are in disguise, and feeling strongly about something doesn't make you pathetic or weak.

~ You will adapt to change. It may take a few days. It may take a few weeks. It may take a few months. But you will adapt. Give yourself the time to do that.

~ I saw a quote on Pinterest last week (I see a lot of great quotes on Pinterest) that said, "Opportunity is missed by people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work." I would like to confess that for a huge majority of my life, I expected that real opportunities were the ones that magically fell into your lap like a giant cosmic sign from the universe---no hard work, no resistance. Just magical blessings to be called "fate" or "destiny." But as I grow up, I'm starting to realize that opportunities aren't always going to fall into your lap, and they aren't always going to be magical---at least not at first. You have to do the work. You have to show up every day. You have to keep working at something and believing in something even when it seems so hard and so overwhelming that you want to crawl under a table. It won't seem hard and overwhelming forever. Someday it will all pay off. Someday it will all make sense. But as long as opportunities aren't coming to you, you have to go to them.

~ It's okay to be yourself. I know that sounds horribly overused and meaningless at this point, but really think about what it means for a second. In what areas of your life are you thinking, "I should want, do, or be _____."? Maybe you think you should want a car. Maybe you think you should do yoga. Maybe you think you should be more outgoing or social. If you don't want a car, don't get a car. If you hate yoga, don't do yoga. If you're quiet and solitary, don't pretend to be outgoing and social. BE YOU.

~ You are not the thoughts your mind makes up. Your mind can be extremely convincing. You should really stop listening to it. Some people say to follow your heart, but take your head with you. While I agree with that to a meager extent, I really don't like listening to my head sometimes. I think I should leave it behind more often and just follow my heart instead.

~ People care about/notice way less than you think they do. Just because you constantly amplify your own flaws doesn't mean that everybody else is doing it too.

~ Power naps are great. Giving yourself permission to take breaks is also great.

~ Don't give up before you've even started.

~ Never make a final decision about something on the same day the idea is planted in your mind. Always sleep on it for a night or two. If you still can't push the idea out of your mind, then you can make a decision. We live in a society where the concept of diving off a cliff without prior contemplation is way too glamorized. And the concept of reflection is way too underrated. So reflect before you dive.

~ Don't forget to love people.

<3 Madison

p.s. Happy March!!! :-)