Wednesday, July 27, 2011

My First Obstacle

I wrote this in my journal last night and decided to share...

There's a girl trapped inside of me. She's a girl who knows what she wants but isn't a hundred percent sure how to get there yet. She's a girl who has been waiting to accomplish some of the same things for the past three years, but has done everything she can on her end. She's bold, creative, ambitious, and loves to express herself. She needs change and lots of it. She needs the strength to let go of her fear. She needs money and a driver's license. She needs a vacation. She needs life breathed back into her.

Something is in this girl's way. It's like being on the other side of a brick wall, desperately trying to figure out a way to break through it. They say that the only person who can stand in your way is you. Maybe that's true and maybe it isn't. Maybe I'm standing in my own way. Maybe my mom is standing in my way. Maybe everyone expects me to grow up except her because I'm her little girl and always will be. Maybe fear is in my way. Maybe it's doubt. Maybe it's sheer confusion or a hunger for answers. Maybe it's the ten million questions that run through my head at night. Maybe it's the fact that I plan more than I practice. Maybe it's just a lack of patience.

What I do know is that I've stumbled into my first obstacle. Something is holding me back and it's not me. It can't be me. I've done everything I can to progress in life except scream the words of this journal entry at the top of my lungs. This girl inside me grows larger every day. She will eventually either break through or become cramped and lost and wither away into the depths of hopelessness again. 

Dear mom, please let me grow.
Dear fear, please go away.
Dear ocean of thoughts, please stay calm.
Dear desires, please be patient.
Dear ambitious heart, please come back.
Dear Universe, please listen.
Dear unknown obstacle, please move.

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