I just went through some old journal entries and lyrics I wrote from a time in my life where my self-esteem was pretty nonexistent. Why? Because I'm trying to sort of take myself back to that time in order to write a story for a major website that I'm a big fan of. I want to write something good. Something raw and real. I want to really connect with the readers and inspire them if my story gets accepted for this website. That would be a huge honor and I'm taking it very seriously.
SO ANYWAYS. Reading those old journal entries and lyrics messed me up a little bit. I was sitting there reading them and thinking, "Why am I doing this to myself right now? Why am I forcing myself to re-live the past?" I'll tell you why. For the sake of making my story good, like I said above. Sometimes, as a writer, you have to take yourself back to the times when you were in pain. The times when you were at your lowest point. For the sake of writing something that's real, honest, and vulnerable. There have been many times in my writer life where I had to rip open old stitches and reach inside the wounds to pull out something worth sharing for the sake of a writing project. It's not an easy thing to do. But it's necessary sometimes.
They say to leave the past in the past. But I had to pay the past a little visit today for the sake of this next project. But if you ask me, this verge-of-tears-with-a-heavy-heart state that I'm in right now will be worth it when I write an epic, true story about overcoming inner monsters.