I had another dream about you. I woke up to my dark, empty bedroom and felt like I had been turned completely inside out...Like all of my insides were suddenly exposed and vulnerable. My heart is literally burning. It would make sense for me to write a lyric right about now, but I don't feel poetic enough. I don't want to think about what rhymes with "fire" or "exposed" right now. I just want to make sure I clutch my arms across my chest tightly enough so I don't peel apart. I want to just lay it all down and fall back asleep.
I wrote this in my journal the other night around 3 a.m. I was debating on whether or not I should share it because it's so personal, but then I remembered, Duh. Everything I share on this blog is pretty personal anyway.
I assume we all have moments like this from time to time.
You lose someone and it hurts like hell, but you keep moving and the wound slowly closes up over time. Then just when you're sure you've moved on and you're okay, you have a dream about them...Or hear their favorite song on the radio...Or drive by the place you used to spend time with them at...Or stumble across an old photo or something else that reminds you of them. And then it all comes rushing back like a cement truck and completely plows you down.
And for a split second, you might consider moving to Jamaica. Or repeatedly banging your head against a brick wall. Or sucking down an entire bottle of Vodka...or maybe bleach.
But you don't do any of those things because you know the moment will pass you by and fall behind you---just like every moment eventually does.
And then you will be okay.